Twilight IM
by Cujo.Venom
Summary: Post Breaking Dawn. So if you haven't read that, you won't get half of this. SPOILER WARNING. Rated T for language and a scary PG-13 part. This is really, really random...Enjoy. *Fifth chapter up! RATING CHANGED TO M.
1. Chapter 1

Alice: OMGitsme

Alice: OMGitsme

Jasper: ConfedSoldier

Edward: PillowBiter

Bella: NewVampGrl

Renesmee: ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES

Jacob: ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES (red text)

Carlisle: Whtihave2ptupwith

Emmett: Teddibear

_OMGitsme signed on_

…

_ConfedSoldier signed on_

OMGitsme: HI JASPER!

ConfedSoldier: O.o

OMGitsme: LET'S GO SHOPPING!

_PillowBiter signed on_

ConfedSoldier: U threw out half my wardrobe, I dun have a choice.

PillowBiter: Do I want to know?

OMGitsme: EDWARD LETS GO SHOPPING!

ConfedSoldier: Nice sn.

PillowBiter: …?

PillowBiter: Dang it, Bella. -.-

OMGitsme: Laughs Thts amazing, wht'd u do this time?

PillowBiter: Don't you know?

OMGitsme: Oh ya… EDWARD!

PillowBiter: o.o

OMGitsme: UR HORRIBLE!

PillowBiter: I don't wanna talk about it.

OMGitsme: I didn't wanna see tht!

PillowBiter: To be honest, neither did I.

ConfedSoldier: Im tellin her you said tht.

_ConfedSoldier has logged off_

PillowBiter: NO!

PillowBiter: Gosh dammit…

OMGitsme: Laughs

OMGitsme: This is gonna b funny.

_NewVampGrl signed on_

_ConfedSoldier signed on_

OMGitsme: HI BELLA! In hysterics

PillowBiter: Hides

ConfedSoldier: Edward, somebody wants to talk to you……

NewVampGrl: ur dead

OMGitsme: Ur sooo observant.

ConfedSoldier: Go Bella.

PillowBiter: Uh, hi…honey. How's Florida?

OMGitsme: And Bella says…

NewVampGrl: DO NOT CHANGE THE SUBJECT!

OMGitsme: CORRECT! Next question: whts the capital of the moon?

PillowBiter: We didn't even start on a subject!

ConfedSoldier: Oh hang on I know this one…

OMGitsme: U will, just wait.

NewVampGrl: ;; U dun like me?

OMGitsme: See, I told ya.

PillowBiter: Honey, I didn't say that!

ConfedSoldier: Alice, I give up. Whts the answer?

OMGitsme: The answer was 22 cups of sugar. NEXT QUESTION!

OMGitsme: What is Edward gonna say in 3 seconds?

PillowBiter: Bella? You're still here, aren't you?

OMGitsme: WRONG! Loser. Next question!

ConfedSoldier: Was he gonna say 'Im gay'?

OMGitsme: That sounds good 2 me.

PillowBiter: I AM NOT GAY!

NewVampGrl: WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ANYTHING ANYMORE?!

PillowBiter: Nice going, guys.

OMGitsme: No problemo. Next question!

OMGitsme: What's Renesmee gonna do in the next 5 seconds?

_ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES signed on_

ConfedSoldier: Sign on.

OMGitsme: Cheater!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: HI DADDY! I wuv u mommy!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: The wolfie is typin this.

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: He says hi bloodsucker…?

PillowBiter: I'm going to kill him.

NewVampGrl: Hi baby! Edward, STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: The wolfie is happy mommy and daddy is fightin.

OMGitsme: And now, this one's for Jacob: What is Edward thinkin right…NOW!

ConfedSoldier: Why cant I guess? ;;

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: … how wuld I know

OMGitsme: Just guess!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: sumthin along the lines of 'gr'.

PillowBiter: You have no imagination.

OMGitsme: Close enough!

ConfedSoldier: I got the feeling that Edwards was a _little_ wordier.

ConfedSoldier: Omg, thts a word.

PillowBiter: ADD, Jasper. Jeez.

ConfedSoldier: Dun make me break the piano.

PillowBiter: DON'T TOUCH MY PIANO! I WILL RIP YOU UP!

OMGitsme: Oh, too late, sorry Edward.

_ConfedSoldier logged off again_

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: The wolfie is laughin.

PillowBiter: Where did Bella go?

NewVampGrl: Sry, Quil was here.

PillowBiter: WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING THERE?!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Oh he is SO dead!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Daddy! You cusseded! The wolfie is mad.

_ConfedSoldier signed on_

OMGitsme: And Edward screws up in… 3, 2, 1:

PillowBiter: Why? Because I cusseded?

PillowBiter: Did I really just type that?

OMGitsme: Laughs ROFL.

ConfedSoldier: Nice, little brother.

OMGitsme: U really should have seen that coming.

PillowBiter: Only you see crap like that.

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Daddy, you cusseded again!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: See, Nessie, u should come live with me.

NewVampGrl: MY DAUGHTER IS NOT THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Mommy, did you cusseded?

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Laughs

PillowBiter: Don't wolves eat their own young?

OMGitsme: OMG I DROPPED THE SKITTLES!

ConfedSoldier: Why do u have skittles?

OMGitsme: I was openin 'em for Nessie.

NewVampGrl: EDWARD!

PillowBiter: Isn't Nessie with Jacob?

OMGitsme: Oh, didn't I tell u? He's here.

PillowBiter: YOU LET THE WOLF IN THE HOUSE? He'll pee on the furniture!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: I wasn't goin too, but now that u mentin it….

PillowBiter: Learn to spell, you idiotic…_mammal._

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: That was the best u can come up with?

ConfedSoldier: Seriously, I can come up with sumthin better than tht.

OMGitsme: U will.

PillowBiter: My daughter is reading this.

NewVampGrl: U sure its urs?

PillowBiter: WHAT?!

NewVampGrl: JK, JK.

OMGitsme: And now Jasper says:

ConfedSoldier: I have no point here.

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Then why dun u leave, u stoopid leech.

OMGitsme: And Jasper has an awesome response… Laughs

ConfedSoldier: You know what, wolf? U are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, morally apprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, and stupid; you have no taste in music, no sense of style, and you smell.

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Be nice to wolfie.

PillowBiter: Oh.

PillowBiter: My.

PillowBiter: God.

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: DADDY!

ConfedSoldier: In high-pitched voice Jeez, Daddy, you cusseded again.

PillowBiter: I know where you live.

ConfedSoldier: I don't live, stupid.

PillowBiter: I will hurt you.

ConfedSoldier, Ooh, yeah, frightened… -.-

ConfedSoldier: Bella's got my back on this one, too.

OMGitsme: And Bella drops the ball in…3, 2, 1…NOW!

NewVampGrl: Sry, Embry was over 2.

PillowBiter: x.x

OMGitsme: Laughs Edward's dead…again…AHAHAHAHA.

NewVampGrl: OH MY GOD! EDWARD! SOMEBODY CALL CARLISLE!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: No need, I'll fix him.

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Why can't Daddy and the wolfie be nice?

ConfedSoldier: Bella, I think you gave Edward the vampire equivalent of a heart attack.

OMGitsme: Oh, just wait. It gets better.

ConfedSoldier: This is painful. ;;

OMGitsme: AWW! Goes to hug Jasper

ConfedSoldier: Alice, Alice, what're you…? HEY!

_ConfedSoldier logged off again again_

_Whtihave2ptupwith signed on_

PillowBiter: XX

Whtihave2ptupwith: What did you guys do to Edward?

OMGitsme: I didn't do nothin! I just saw it comin and didn't do nothin to stop it 'cause it's amusin.

Whtihave2ptupwith: Didn't I teach you to type better than that?

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: I wanna kitty.

PillowBiter: o.o No. XX

Whtihave2ptupwith: Emmett would probably eat it, dear.

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: NO! Crys

OMGitsme: Emmett will not eat the kitty. (I will.) Let's get the kitty!

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: YAY! . . . WAIT…

_ConfedSoldier signed on_

ConfedSoldier: I have no words for what just happened to me…

OMGitsme: Laughs demonically

Whtihave2ptupwith: Alice, what did you do?

PillowBiter: o.o Does it really matter…? (You don't want to know. Nessie's here, don't type it.) XX

NewVampGrl: EDWARD!!

_NewVampGrl logged off_

PillowBiter: Oh dear God…

ConfedSoldier: Seems today is full of traumatic experiences.

OMGitsme: And now the best part:

PillowBiter: Uh, guys, I have to go… Bella's here. O.o'

_PillowBiter logged off_

OMGitsme: Laughing Jas, let's go watch.

ConfedSoldier: I'm good, thanks.

OMGitsme: Fine, I'll just go back to ur room, then.

ConfedSoldier: NO!

ConfedSoldier: Oh no, oh no… Guys, he-

ConfedSolder: Jazzy has to go. Bye bye!

_ConfedSoldier logged off for the fourth time_

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Whts goin on?

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: I don't even want to know.

Whtihave2ptupwith: I have the _strangest_ children.

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Well duh. They're bloodsuckers.

Whtihave2ptupwith: Hm…maybe I should try being a veterinarian. Hey, Jacob, come here. I need to practice.

ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES: Oh God…

_ZAFRINAHASPWETTYPITURES logged off_

_Whtihave2ptupwith logged off_

_Teddibear signed on_

Teddibear: I'm lonely. ;;

-End-


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, this one probably isn't as funny as the last one. This one was actually done in an IM box, instead of just being typed out on Word like the previous chapter was. R&R.**

_OMGitsme signed on_

_ConfedSoldier signed on_

**OMGitsme** (9:03:39 PM): OMGitsme: I WANT TO GO SHOPPING, JASPER!

**ConfedSoldier** (9:03:49 PM): _Eating, maybe later_

**OMGitsme** (9:04:13 PM): ...

**PillowBiter** (9:04:15 PM): Shopping? Honestly, Alice, you can do that from here.

**OMGitsme** (9:04:22 PM): At your computer Jasper?

**OMGitsme** (9:04:25 PM): SO?!

**OMGitsme** (9:04:29 PM): It's not as fun...

**ConfedSoldier** (9:04:30 PM): _yeah sorry_

**OMGitsme** (9:04:39 PM): jeez, jasper

**OMGitsme** (9:04:42 PM): not cool

**ConfedSoldier** (9:05:11 PM): _HMPH_

**PillowBiter** (9:05:26 PM): At least Nessie didn't sneak on with the stupid wolf again.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:05:38 PM): they aren't up her

**ConfedSoldier** (9:05:41 PM): here

**OMGitsme** (9:05:45 PM): I wouldn't put it past her, though

**OMGitsme** (9:06:01 PM): LET"S GO TO THE MALL!

**PillowBiter** (9:06:06 PM): Sighs As long as you don't scatter Skittles on the floor again, I'm fine.

**OMGitsme** (9:06:13 PM): AND EAT SOME YUMMY HUMANS!

**OMGitsme** (9:06:18 PM): licks lips

**OMGitsme** (9:06:24 PM): and eat skittles with them

**PillowBiter** (9:06:58 PM): Why are you eating Skittles? You'll only have to cough them up later.

**OMGitsme** (9:07:11 PM): so?

**OMGitsme** (9:07:16 PM): they're so pretty

**OMGitsme** (9:07:27 PM): and it would be a nice color change from the blood

**PillowBiter** (9:07:42 PM): But you don't have the proper taste buds for such things.

**OMGitsme** (9:07:55 PM): HOW DO YOU KNOW?!

**OMGitsme** (9:08:03 PM): YOU"RE ALWAYS TELLING ME WHAT I AM!

**OMGitsme** (9:08:09 PM): MAYBE I"M STILL HUMAN!

**PillowBiter** (9:08:27 PM): Then why do you look the same as you did when you came to us?

**OMGitsme** (9:08:33 PM): um...

**OMGitsme** (9:08:36 PM): I"m a werewolf

**OMGitsme** (9:08:37 PM): Bark

**PillowBiter** (9:08:56 PM): Jasper, your wife needs a new brain.

**OMGitsme** (9:09:01 PM): Hmph

**OMGitsme** (9:09:06 PM): You need a new brain

**OMGitsme** (9:09:17 PM): you used it all when you paid for those medical degrees

**PillowBiter** (9:09:24 PM): I do not.

**OMGitsme** (9:09:52 PM): Yes, Edward.

**OMGitsme** (9:09:53 PM): You do

**PillowBiter** (9:09:56 PM): Why?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:10:08 PM): wow, I'm missing everything

**OMGitsme** (9:10:25 PM): Because your little brain could not keep up with the amount of money you

spent on bribing the teacher

**ConfedSoldier** (9:10:29 PM): sorry, Renesmee was crying about something

**ConfedSoldier** (9:10:39 PM): um...what?

**OMGitsme** (9:11:02 PM): I'm explaining to Edward about why he needs a new brain

**PillowBiter** (9:11:07 PM): Why was my daughter crying?!

**PillowBiter** (9:11:13 PM): I do not need a new brain!

**OMGitsme** (9:11:23 PM): Yes, you do.

**PillowBiter** (9:11:29 PM): DO NOT!

**ConfedSoldier** (9:11:30 PM): which is more important? which should I elaborate?

**OMGitsme** (9:11:32 PM): Jasper?

**OMGitsme** (9:11:42 PM): Should you tell him, or should I?

**PillowBiter** (9:11:56 PM): Tell me why my daughter was crying or I will tell Alice what you were

thinking about earlier.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:12:08 PM): either I suppose...he won't be happy tho

**OMGitsme** (9:12:08 PM): JASPER?!

**ConfedSoldier** (9:12:16 PM): i'M RIGHT HERE!

**OMGitsme** (9:12:19 PM): Edward, inform me now please

**ConfedSoldier** (9:12:27 PM): HEY

**PillowBiter** (9:12:30 PM): Yes?

**OMGitsme** (9:12:37 PM): What was Jasper thinking?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:12:41 PM): Alice, not you

**PillowBiter** (9:12:44 PM): Just a moment, Alice.

**OMGitsme** (9:12:58 PM): WHY?!

**PillowBiter** (9:13:11 PM): Because I want Jasper to tell me why Nessie was crying.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:13:11 PM): I'm honestly not sure what she was crying about...something about Bella

and Florida and a crocodile...

**OMGitsme** (9:13:20 PM): Huh.

**PillowBiter** (9:13:21 PM): Oh God.

**OMGitsme** (9:13:28 PM): It really wasn't that much fun to watch

**ConfedSoldier** (9:13:36 PM): She wasn't really making all that much sen-

**PillowBiter** (9:13:40 PM): o.O What happened to Bella _now_?

**PillowBiter** (9:13:47 PM): Jasper?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:13:50 PM): ?? she's in my room...

**PillowBiter** (9:13:56 PM): Who? Bella?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:14:03 PM): no, your daughter

**PillowBiter** (9:14:09 PM): Oh.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:14:10 PM): one moment...

**PillowBiter** (9:14:16 PM): Well, then where's Bella?

**OMGitsme** (9:14:22 PM): Hahaha, it was funny

**ConfedSoldier** (9:14:23 PM): Daddy??

**PillowBiter** (9:14:30 PM): Nessie? What happened, honey?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:14:40 PM): (she's using my sn)

**PillowBiter** (9:14:45 PM): No duh, Jasper.

**OMGitsme** (9:14:50 PM): We couldn't tell

**ConfedSoldier** (9:15:12 PM): I doesn't know...Mommy called a little while ago...but the phone went

dead

**OMGitsme** (9:15:22 PM): I would tell

**PillowBiter** (9:15:22 PM): O.O

**OMGitsme** (9:15:28 PM): but it's pretty gruesome

**OMGitsme** (9:15:31 PM): giggle

**PillowBiter** (9:15:33 PM): XX

**ConfedSoldier** (9:15:36 PM): ALICE

**OMGitsme** (9:15:41 PM): yes?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:15:50 PM): you made daddy dieded

**OMGitsme** (9:15:58 PM): and?

**OMGitsme** (9:16:02 PM): what else is new?

**PillowBiter** (9:16:05 PM): o.o Nessie, that's not a word. XX

**ConfedSoldier** (9:16:13 PM): sigh

**OMGitsme** (9:16:15 PM): Yes it is, Nessie

**OMGitsme** (9:16:18 PM): say it more

**PillowBiter** (9:16:21 PM): Shut up, Alice.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:16:30 PM): Nessie ran off to go see Carlisle

**OMGitsme** (9:16:30 PM): P

**PillowBiter** (9:16:34 PM): Tell me what happened to my wife!

**PillowBiter** (9:16:38 PM): _NOW!_

**OMGitsme** (9:16:41 PM): hahaha, I love this story

**ConfedSoldier** (9:16:43 PM): I Don't Know!!

**ConfedSoldier** (9:16:51 PM): Ask ALICE

**PillowBiter** (9:16:52 PM): Story...?

**OMGitsme** (9:17:01 PM): You might get upset, though

**OMGitsme** (9:17:04 PM): and dieded again

**PillowBiter** (9:17:16 PM): Tell me. Please. ;;

**OMGitsme** (9:17:20 PM): well

**OMGitsme** (9:17:21 PM): no

**PillowBiter** (9:17:31 PM): XX Heart attack

**ConfedSoldier** (9:17:37 PM): pokes

**OMGitsme** (9:17:42 PM): Is he dead?

**PillowBiter** (9:17:43 PM): Smacks

**OMGitsme** (9:17:44 PM): again?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:17:57 PM): Xl bite

**PillowBiter** (9:18:03 PM): HEY!

**ConfedSoldier** (9:18:10 PM): nope, he's not dieded

**OMGitsme** (9:18:11 PM): oooh, I love causing problems

**PillowBiter** (9:18:12 PM): I'll tell Alice!

**OMGitsme** (9:18:23 PM): tell what?

**OMGitsme** (9:18:39 PM): JASPER?

**PillowBiter** (9:18:43 PM): What Jasper was thinking about earlier.

**OMGitsme** (9:18:43 PM): WHAT DID YOU DO?!

**ConfedSoldier** (9:18:46 PM): Edward...I don't even know what I was think five...excuse me, seven minutes

ago

**OMGitsme** (9:18:58 PM): obviously Edward does

**OMGitsme** (9:19:03 PM): that pervert

**PillowBiter** (9:19:08 PM): -.-

**OMGitsme** (9:19:08 PM): do tell

**ConfedSoldier** (9:19:18 PM): how about no, just in case

**OMGitsme** (9:19:36 PM): how bout yes, or I won't tell you about Bella?

**PillowBiter** (9:19:39 PM): How about Alice comes to my room and I'll tell her in here so you don't even

know?

**OMGitsme** (9:19:46 PM): OKAY!

**ConfedSoldier** (9:19:53 PM): How about I break your piano in half

**OMGitsme** (9:19:55 PM): _OMGitsme signed off_

**PillowBiter** (9:20:03 PM): How about you don't touch my freaking piano.

**PillowBiter** (9:20:07 PM): One moment, Alice is here.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:20:13 PM): Oh jeez.

**OMGitsme** (9:20:25 PM): _OMGitsme signed on_

**PillowBiter** (9:20:27 PM): Have fun talking to your wife again.

**OMGitsme** (9:20:29 PM): JASPER!!

**ConfedSoldier** (9:20:35 PM): whaaaaatttttt

**OMGitsme** (9:20:40 PM): YOU

**OMGitsme** (9:20:41 PM): ARE

**OMGitsme** (9:20:43 PM): DEAD

**PillowBiter** (9:20:46 PM): Again.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:20:48 PM): very observant

**OMGitsme** (9:20:54 PM): ...

**ConfedSoldier** (9:21:03 PM): aw c'mon...you said it first

**OMGitsme** (9:21:05 PM): _omgitsme signed off_

**PillowBiter** (9:21:08 PM): Jasper, you should start begging for your life.

**PillowBiter** (9:21:12 PM): Now.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:21:12 PM): or shall I remind you of that time?

**PillowBiter** (9:21:22 PM): -.-

**ConfedSoldier** (9:21:23 PM): O.O oh crap

**PillowBiter** (9:21:31 PM): Smug smile

**PillowBiter** (9:21:36 PM): Have fun.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:21:39 PM): _ConfedSoldier has ran for his life_

**OMGitsme** (9:21:48 PM): _OMGitsme signed on_

**PillowBiter** (9:21:50 PM): That's an option...:?

**OMGitsme** (9:21:57 PM): well, that's taken care of

**OMGitsme** (9:22:02 PM): wicked grin

**PillowBiter** (9:22:05 PM): Where do you think he'll go?

**PillowBiter** (9:22:08 PM): Australia?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:22:11 PM): _ConfedSoldier signed on_

**OMGitsme** (9:22:15 PM): Oh, I know where He'll go

**ConfedSoldier** (9:22:15 PM): OW

**PillowBiter** (9:22:17 PM): Damn.

**OMGitsme** (9:22:18 PM): hehehe

**PillowBiter** (9:22:25 PM): Where'd he go, Alice?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:22:31 PM): THAT WAS A LITTLE UNECESSARY

**OMGitsme** (9:22:35 PM): Where do you think?

**PillowBiter** (9:22:36 PM): I don't think it was.

**OMGitsme** (9:22:44 PM): I agree with edward

**PillowBiter** (9:22:55 PM): What do you mean, where do I think? I don't know! I wouldn't have asked

otherwise.

**OMGitsme** (9:23:05 PM): slaps forehead

**ConfedSoldier** (9:23:07 PM): You don't even know what happened, little brother

**OMGitsme** (9:23:09 PM): you're almost as bad as he is

**ConfedSoldier** (9:23:27 PM): whatd'ya mean almost?

**PillowBiter** (9:23:31 PM): Ha.

**OMGitsme** (9:23:36 PM): I mean, you're worse than Edward

**OMGitsme** (9:23:39 PM): got it?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:23:41 PM): oh

**PillowBiter** (9:23:49 PM): Yeah, jeez Jasper.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:23:50 PM): make that a bit more clear next time

**OMGitsme** (9:23:50 PM): Yeah

**OMGitsme** (9:24:01 PM): uh huh

**OMGitsme** (9:24:03 PM): right

**PillowBiter** (9:24:09 PM): Alice, we get it.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:24:11 PM): Alice, I'll take the kitty away

**OMGitsme** (9:24:22 PM): What kitty? licks lips

**PillowBiter** (9:24:22 PM): You'll make Nessie cry.

**PillowBiter** (9:24:32 PM): Then you'll be sad because she's sad.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:24:32 PM): not my problem

**OMGitsme** (9:24:38 PM): not mine, either

**PillowBiter** (9:24:39 PM): Technically...

**ConfedSoldier** (9:24:55 PM): y3eah, but then I'll just go over by Alice, and she's usually happy

**OMGitsme** (9:25:04 PM): no you won't

**OMGitsme** (9:25:10 PM): glare

**PillowBiter** (9:25:17 PM): I'll bring Nessie over to you then kick your ass for upsetting my daughter.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:25:22 PM): oh yeah...no I won't...not after last time

**OMGitsme** (9:25:27 PM): that's what I thought

**ConfedSoldier** (9:25:56 PM): Edward, what would your daughter say if she knew you cusded again

**PillowBiter** (9:25:59 PM): Why is Emmett watching NASCAR downstairs?

**OMGitsme** (9:26:09 PM): cuz he's a retard

**ConfedSoldier** (9:26:09 PM): he's not

**ConfedSoldier** (9:26:13 PM): Rose is

**OMGitsme** (9:26:20 PM): ah

**PillowBiter** (9:26:22 PM): Oh for crying out loud...

**OMGitsme** (9:26:25 PM): cuz SHE"S a retard

**ConfedSoldier** (9:26:27 PM): He got voluntarily drugged in

**PillowBiter** (9:26:37 PM): I'm going to go and break the tv if they don't turn it down.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:26:42 PM): not again

**PillowBiter** (9:26:47 PM): Yes, again.

**OMGitsme** (9:26:50 PM): no edward

**OMGitsme** (9:26:52 PM): not again

**OMGitsme** (9:26:54 PM): please

**PillowBiter** (9:27:04 PM): Why? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:27:08 PM): BUNNY

**OMGitsme** (9:27:10 PM): Oh, Bella, don't do that

**OMGitsme** (9:27:13 PM): Jeez

**ConfedSoldier** (9:27:16 PM): I just saw one out in the yard

**OMGitsme** (9:27:17 PM): Edward

**PillowBiter** (9:27:17 PM): A better reason.

**OMGitsme** (9:27:25 PM): Your wife's a retard

**PillowBiter** (9:27:34 PM): Why don't you go eat the bunny, Jasper?

**PillowBiter** (9:27:41 PM): What did Bella do? o.o

**ConfedSoldier** (9:27:45 PM): um, cause Bella is...

**PillowBiter** (9:27:59 PM): Hits forehead Jeez...

**ConfedSoldier** (9:28:01 PM): the bunny is no more

**OMGitsme** (9:28:11 PM): ...

**PillowBiter** (9:28:12 PM): Tell her to get rid of the carcaas.

**OMGitsme** (9:28:14 PM): poor bunny

**ConfedSoldier** (9:28:18 PM): it's your wife

**OMGitsme** (9:28:18 PM): that was vicious

**PillowBiter** (9:28:30 PM): She's on your side of the house, though.

**OMGitsme** (9:28:30 PM): disgustin

**OMGitsme** (9:28:41 PM): Jasper! glare take care of it

**PillowBiter** (9:28:44 PM): Oh, eww! I just got the picture of that from Alice's head...

**ConfedSoldier** (9:28:51 PM): get your lazy butt up and go deal with it

**PillowBiter** (9:28:57 PM): ;; Poor bunny rabbit.

**OMGitsme** (9:29:02 PM): Yes

**OMGitsme** (9:29:05 PM): As I said

**OMGitsme** (9:29:11 PM): You're wife's a retard

**PillowBiter** (9:29:15 PM): I don't want to go near anything that's in eighteen different parts.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:29:18 PM): seriously Edward

**OMGitsme** (9:29:22 PM): Jasper

**OMGitsme** (9:29:26 PM): Yoy do it

**ConfedSoldier** (9:29:30 PM): why

**OMGitsme** (9:29:31 PM): You

**OMGitsme** (9:29:34 PM): Cuz I said so

**ConfedSoldier** (9:29:36 PM): I dun wanna

**OMGitsme** (9:29:38 PM): need I say more

**PillowBiter** (9:29:41 PM): I'd listen to her, Jasper. Remember what happened last time?

**OMGitsme** (9:29:44 PM): glare

**ConfedSoldier** (9:29:55 PM): you have no idea where I am tho

**OMGitsme** (9:30:02 PM): I do

**ConfedSoldier** (9:30:05 PM): I'm not in the house anymore

**PillowBiter** (9:30:13 PM): But Alice knows where you went.

**OMGitsme** (9:30:14 PM): I KNOW

**ConfedSoldier** (9:30:14 PM): you only know where I'm GOING to be

**OMGitsme** (9:30:19 PM): I watched you go

**PillowBiter** (9:30:22 PM): He's were Bella is. Florida.

**ConfedSoldier** (9:30:25 PM): no

**PillowBiter** (9:30:32 PM): Then how the hell did you see Bella?

**OMGitsme** (9:30:41 PM): oh, Bella moved

**OMGitsme** (9:30:45 PM): didn't I tell you?

**PillowBiter** (9:30:47 PM): Thanks for telling me that.

**PillowBiter** (9:30:53 PM): -.- Yes, just now.

**OMGitsme** (9:30:54 PM): well, now you know

**ConfedSoldier** (9:31:11 PM): ...is she coming...

**PillowBiter** (9:31:12 PM): Obviously.

**PillowBiter** (9:31:28 PM): Well, Nessie just walked in. I have to go put her to bed. Talk to you later.

**OMGitsme** (9:31:36 PM): I'll go get you if you're not careful!

**OMGitsme** (9:31:38 PM): Jasper

**ConfedSoldier** (9:31:48 PM): Don't eat icky things Nessie

**ConfedSoldier** (9:31:55 PM): don't be like mom

**ConfedSoldier** (9:32:08 PM): careful about what?

**PillowBiter** (9:32:21 PM): Okay, bye.

**PillowBiter** (9:32:23 PM) has left the room.

**OMGitsme** (9:32:25 PM): I know what you're going to do, remember?

**ConfedSoldier** (9:32:31 PM): ...

**OMGitsme** (9:32:34 PM): bye edward! waves

**ConfedSoldier** (9:32:34 PM): oops...

**ConfedSoldier** (9:32:46 PM): it was pure in intention Alice, really...

**OMGitsme** (9:32:56 PM): You're going to die, Jasper

**OMGitsme** (9:32:57 PM): Again

**ConfedSoldier** (9:33:07 PM): aw crap...

_OMGitsme signed off_

**ConfedSoldier** (9:33:18 PM): WHOA!!

_C__onfedSoldier has signed off_


	3. Chapter 3

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

Alice says:

yupppers, it does

OMGitsme just sent you a nudge.

ConfedSoldier has been added to the conversation.

PillowBiter says:

Jasper? Are you there?

ConfedSoldier says:

I'm hiding

PillowBiter says:

From what?

OMGitsme says:

that's nice

ConfedSoldier says:

that

PillowBiter says:

Alice, I have your Skittles. I don't think I'm going to give them back, either. Unless you . . . uh, do something for me.

PillowBiter says:

Or something.

OMGitsme says:

That' nice

PillowBiter says:

-.-

OMGitsme says:

I already knew that

PillowBiter says:

Well, if you saw me taking them, why didn't you stop me?

OMGitsme says:

Cuz I'm done with them

PillowBiter says:

Munches Skittle Good.

OMGitsme says:

That' nice

PillowBiter says:

OW.

ConfedSoldier says:

Nessie's messing with my guitar

PillowBiter says:

!!

PillowBiter says:

Good. She needs something to play with.

OMGitsme says:

That' nice

PillowBiter says:

Is that all you can say?

OMGitsme says:

Yes

ConfedSoldier says:

Which reminds me, why haven't you taught her piano yet?

PillowBiter says:

. . .

OMGitsme says:

You gotta problem with that

OMGitsme says:

?

ConfedSoldier says:

It seems like a fatherly thing to do

OMGitsme says:

Yes, Edward

PillowBiter says:

No, I haven't. She hasn't seemed that interested in learning it.

PillowBiter says:

So HA.

OMGitsme says:

You're very impolite

PillowBiter says:

Oh my God... I dropped a Skittle...

OMGitsme says:

You copy cat

OMGitsme says:

You did that on purpose

PillowBiter says:

FOUND IT!

PillowBiter says:

I did not!

ConfedSoldier says:

Yes Edward, what happened to your genteel upbringing?

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, go to hell.

OMGitsme says:

EDWARD!

OMGitsme says:

I'll kill you

ConfedSoldier says:

been there, done that

OMGitsme says:

Don't doubt it

PillowBiter says:

Me either.

PillowBiter says:

-.-

OMGitsme says:

just cuz ur a vamp...!

ConfedSoldier says:

You haven't seen Americans killing each other in a full scale war, little brother

PillowBiter says:

... You are too, genius.

PillowBiter says:

I've seen it in your head.

PillowBiter says:

It's not something I'd like to experience personally.

ConfedSoldier says:

But you haven't lived through it

ConfedSoldier says:

it's a different matter altogether

PillowBiter says:

I don't plan too, either.

ConfedSoldier says:

good

OMGitsme says:

...

OMGitsme says:

That's nice

ConfedSoldier says:

Nessie would be dead if it were just Bella to raise her

OMGitsme says:

Yes

PillowBiter says:

Alice, weren't you two going to go shopping today or something? Why are you here?

OMGitsme says:

Cuz I"m done

OMGitsme says:

I'm a vamp, stupid

PillowBiter says:

Are you saying I'm a good father?

OMGitsme says:

no

OMGitsme says:

never

PillowBiter says:

ALICE!!

PillowBiter says:

You're so mean. ;;

OMGitsme says:

Yes?

OMGitsme says:

And?

ConfedSoldier says:

She ran off

PillowBiter says:

Who? Nessie?

ConfedSoldier says:

-- no you tard, Bella. OF COURSE NESSIE

OMGitsme says:

Jeesh

OMGitsme says:

Edward

PillowBiter says:

By the way, Alice... Did you ever get Nessie a cat?

OMGitsme says:

...

ConfedSoldier says:

she ate it

OMGitsme says:

Let's not speak about that now

PillowBiter says:

Because there's one in my room.

OMGitsme says:

...

ConfedSoldier says:

is it alive?

PillowBiter says:

Can I eat it?

PillowBiter says:

Yes, it's alive you dip.

OMGitsme says:

jeesh

OMGitsme says:

Jasper

ConfedSoldier says:

then it's Rose's

OMGitsme says:

I'll eat it

PillowBiter says:

Better not touch it, then...

ConfedSoldier says:

so yes, you can eat it

PillowBiter says:

Go ahead. Rose scares me.

OMGitsme says:

Thank you

OMGitsme says:

Now, if you'll excuse me...

PillowBiter says:

O.o DON'T EAT IT IN HERE!

PillowBiter says:

You got my carpet all dirty...

OMGitsme says:

Back

PillowBiter says:

Jerk. Come clean the stain out of my carpet!

ConfedSoldier says:

Wonder what's on Tv...

PillowBiter says:

NOW.

OMGitsme says:

I'd rather not

OMGitsme says:

thanks, tho

OMGitsme says:

Daddy, did you cussededed?

PillowBiter says:

I will cut off your head and put it into a cupboard, Alice.

OMGitsme says:

You copy cat

PillowBiter says:

Nessie, get off Alice's computer.

OMGitsme says:

I already did that to YOU

ConfedSoldier says:

?? is that where Nessie went?

OMGitsme says:

No

ConfedSoldier says:

oo, Law and Order

OMGitsme says:

It's still Alice

OMGitsme says:

HAHAHA!

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, you aren't helping.

OMGitsme says:

He never does

ConfedSoldier says:

darn, I was hoping to have an intelligent conersation with someone, finally

PillowBiter says:

Where's Emmett at...?

OMGitsme says:

Thanks

OMGitsme says:

I hate you

PillowBiter says:

JASPER!

PillowBiter says:

I'll be back in a moment, guys.

OMGitsme says:

That's scary

ConfedSoldier says:

Gotta go take care of the mother...

OMGitsme says:

Maybe he's goin to let bella outta his stomach

OMGitsme says:

lol

ConfedSoldier says:

wink wink

OMGitsme says:

You disgust me

OMGitsme says:

ugh

ConfedSoldier says:

oh c'mon, you knew this was going to happen

OMGitsme says:

Yeah

OMGitsme says:

but you can never be prepared

ConfedSoldier says:

it shouldn't surprise you that much

PillowBiter says:

Prepared for what?

OMGitsme says:

Read above, dumb dumb

PillowBiter says:

I'm back, by the way.

OMGitsme says:

no dur

ConfedSoldier says:

ALICE QUIT REARRANGING MY CLOTHES DRAWER!

PillowBiter says:

It's off the screen, I don't want to deal with scrolling.

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, I didn't need to know what you two are doing. -.-

OMGitsme says:

You never wear that stuff anyway!

OMGitsme says:

The fire needs food!

ConfedSoldier says:

I still need to know where it is!

ConfedSoldier says:

ALICE

OMGitsme says:

burnt to a crisp

PillowBiter says:

Alice, I don't need a visual of Jasper's underwear, you know. Stop thinking about them.

OMGitsme says:

oh, Jasper

ConfedSoldier says:

I'm NOT trying to fit into Edward's stuff again

OMGitsme says:

You're so hot

ConfedSoldier says:

You hid my blue ones again...

PillowBiter says:

Twitch Alice...! Stop thinking about that, NOW. I do NOT need to know what you guys did last night!

PillowBiter says:

OMGitsme says:

How bout that mental image?

PillowBiter says:

ConfedSoldier says:

finally found my flame ones tho...

OMGitsme says:

...

PillowBiter says:

o.o

PillowBiter says:

Twitch

OMGitsme says:

I burnt those last night

OMGitsme says:

Along with other stuff

OMGitsme says:

mental image

PillowBiter says:

ALICE! Sensor your thoughts, PLEASE!!

ConfedSoldier says:

good, those were too tight anyway

PillowBiter says:

Bangs head on computer desk

OMGitsme says:

I liked those, tho

OMGitsme says:

they looked so good

ConfedSoldier says:

but they were so dang uncomfortable

PillowBiter says:

I'm going for a walk... About ten miles from here...

OMGitsme says:

Edward, are you gone?

OMGitsme says:

...

OMGitsme says:

YES!

OMGitsme says:

HE"S GONE!

OMGitsme says:

yay

ConfedSoldier says:

Oh jeez...that emotion scares me

OMGitsme says:

...

ConfedSoldier says:

especially from you...

OMGitsme says:

hahaha

OMGitsme says:

lol

ConfedSoldier says:

just what are you planning?

OMGitsme says:

...

OMGitsme says:

You just have to know that it'll work

OMGitsme says:

hahaha

OMGitsme says:

lol

OMGitsme says:

You don't want to know yet

ConfedSoldier says:

I don't think so no

OMGitsme says:

don't worry

OMGitsme says:

it'll be fine for you

OMGitsme says:

Edward, however...

OMGitsme says:

evil laugh

ConfedSoldier says:

Ugh, I may need Tylenol before this night ends...and I'm not even human

OMGitsme says:

...

OMGitsme says:

wow Jasper

PillowBiter says:

Guys, can someone come and help me re-attach my left arm? The stupid wolf ripped it off...

OMGitsme says:

lol!!

OMGitsme says:

AMAZING HUH?

PillowBiter says:

I crossed the Quilute border on accident.

ConfedSoldier says:

I wanna say...no?

PillowBiter says:

Jerk.

OMGitsme says:

u are stupid

ConfedSoldier says:

me?

OMGitsme says:

I knew this was coming, too

OMGitsme says:

that's the best part

PillowBiter says:

I was trying to escape your dirty thoughts!

OMGitsme says:

that I didn't tell you

OMGitsme says:

yeah, I know

OMGitsme says:

AMAZING

PillowBiter says:

Then come help me! It's hard to type with one hand!

OMGitsme says:

uuuuuuhhh

OMGitsme says:

no

OMGitsme says:

do it yourself

OMGitsme says:

mental image

PillowBiter says:

PillowBiter says:

I'm going to ask Carlisle for help, then.

OMGitsme says:

He's not here

OMGitsme says:

left an hour ago

PillowBiter says:

I will go find him.

OMGitsme says:

I sent him away

OMGitsme says:

far away

PillowBiter says:

O.o

ConfedSoldier says:

sorry, I was hiding the rest of the contents of the one drawer in this room that's mine

OMGitsme says:

and told him not to listen to you

OMGitsme says:

HEY!

PillowBiter says:

Twitches

OMGitsme says:

Edward has plenty of clothes you can use!

ConfedSoldier says:

NO

OMGitsme says:

mental image

ConfedSoldier says:

TOO SMALL

PillowBiter says:

He can NOT have my underwear!

OMGitsme says:

mental image

PillowBiter says:

Bangs head on desk

OMGitsme says:

Too bad Carlisle isn't here to stop us...

OMGitsme says:

huh?

OMGitsme says:

hahaha

PillowBiter says:

Cries

ConfedSoldier says:

you might want to vacate Nessie to some remote spot

OMGitsme says:

...

OMGitsme says:

hahaha

OMGitsme says:

again

PillowBiter says:

O.o0

PillowBiter says:

O.o

OMGitsme says:

yeah, you might want to listen

PillowBiter says:

Listen to?

OMGitsme says:

mental image

PillowBiter says:

Whack

OMGitsme says:

no, seriously! this isn't another scheme to torture you!

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, make your wife behave, please? I'm begging you!

ConfedSoldier says:

ME?!

OMGitsme says:

look what she's DOING!

PillowBiter says:

Yes, you!

PillowBiter says:

Who's doing what?

OMGitsme says:

You're going to let you're daughter do that?!

PillowBiter says:

DO WHAT?!

ConfedSoldier says:

um...Edward...

OMGitsme says:

mental image

PillowBiter says:

Whackwhackwhack

OMGitsme says:

GO stop her than!

OMGitsme says:

jeesh!

OMGitsme says:

Oh, btw

PillowBiter says:

From doing what?

OMGitsme says:

mental image

PillowBiter says:

WHAM

ConfedSoldier says:

distracted by shiny object

OMGitsme says:

OOOOOOHHHH!

PillowBiter says:

. . . There's a dent in my desk now...

OMGitsme says:

also distracted by shiny objext

PillowBiter says:

Wow, people. FOCUS.

OMGitsme says:

..

OMGitsme says:

but shiny object!

PillowBiter says:

Alice, there's another cat in my room...

PillowBiter says:

Come get rid of it.

OMGitsme says:

oh yeah

OMGitsme says:

that's nessie's doin

OMGitsme says:

better stop her quick

PillowBiter says:

Why?

OMGitsme says:

mental image

ConfedSoldier says:

Alice

OMGitsme says:

yeah?

PillowBiter says:

Smacks head on desk and desk breaks

ConfedSoldier says:

what the heck is this

PillowBiter says:

Shit...

OMGitsme says:

...?

ConfedSoldier says:

this...thing you put on the bed

OMGitsme says:

It's Edward's

PillowBiter says:

O.O

PillowBiter says:

What did you take?

ConfedSoldier says:

I'm not supposed to wear that am I?

PillowBiter says:

!

OMGitsme says:

I thought that would look good on you!

PillowBiter says:

ALICE!!

OMGitsme says:

yeah?

PillowBiter says:

Return my clothing to my room! NOW!

PillowBiter says:

Please?

OMGitsme says:

No

ConfedSoldier says:

Jeez, did Bella give you this?

OMGitsme says:

Jasper needs it for tonight!

PillowBiter says:

o.o

OMGitsme says:

For the bonfire

ConfedSoldier says:

I'm pretty sure it won't fit

OMGitsme says:

dumb dumb

OMGitsme says:

yeah it will

PillowBiter says:

;; Gimmie my clothes.

OMGitsme says:

No

PillowBiter says:

Please?

OMGitsme says:

hahaha

OMGitsme says:

no

PillowBiter says:

Okay, so what is my daughter doing?

OMGitsme says:

NESSIE!!

ConfedSoldier says:

why do you even have this?

OMGitsme says:

Gotta go

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, please stop asking.

ConfedSoldier says:

I don't wanna wear this...

PillowBiter says:

O.o

PillowBiter says:

Then don't wear it. Bring it back to me why your wife isn't here.

OMGitsme says:

I"m still here

ConfedSoldier says:

fine I-

ConfedSoldier says:

OW

PillowBiter says:

What did you do?

ConfedSoldier says:

Something just flew through the window and hit me

PillowBiter says:

What was it?

OMGitsme says:

Now let me go take care of you're stupid daughter, will ya?

OMGitsme says:

jeesh

PillowBiter says:

Go ahead.

ConfedSoldier says:

I think it was Nessie

OMGitsme says:

mental image

PillowBiter says:

WHAT?!

OMGitsme says:

c ya

PillowBiter says:

Beats head on wall

ConfedSoldier says:

I think someone just threw Nessie at my head

PillowBiter says:

Why would someone do that?

ConfedSoldier says:

what the...

ConfedSoldier says:

did Alice do it?

PillowBiter says:

My poor baby! Make sure she's all right!

OMGitsme says:

she's not

OMGitsme says:

She died

ConfedSoldier says:

yeah, she's not movin...

PillowBiter says:

WHAT?!

OMGitsme says:

look at her

OMGitsme says:

that's not right

ConfedSoldier says:

OUT

ConfedSoldier says:

I'll hurt you--hey!

OMGitsme says:

...

ConfedSoldier says:

ALICE

OMGitsme says:

Nessie's still not movin

OMGitsme says:

I think I killed her

OMGitsme says:

I mean...

OMGitsme says:

I think she died

ConfedSoldier says:

one moment, I have to take care ofthe irate husband

OMGitsme says:

okay

ConfedSoldier says:

back in five

OMGitsme says:

jeopardy theme song

OMGitsme says:

do do do do do do do

OMGitsme says:

do do do do DO dododo

OMGitsme says:

do do do do do do do

OMGitsme says:

DO dododo do do do

ConfedSoldier says:

okay, I threw him in the fridge

OMGitsme says:

YAY!

OMGitsme says:

let's have cold Edward for supper!

ConfedSoldier says:

did you see what he did?

OMGitsme says:

no

OMGitsme says:

wasn't payin attention

OMGitsme says:

what?

OMGitsme says:

Should we send Edward some disturbing menatl images?

OMGitsme says:

mental images

OMGitsme says:

Did you hear that?

OMGitsme says:

That sounded like broken fridge

OMGitsme says:

darn it edward

OMGitsme says:

he gets to buy a new one this time

ConfedSoldier says:

...he threw my Confed uniform in the dryer...

OMGitsme says:

k...

OMGitsme says:

I Edward coming back?

OMGitsme says:

is

ConfedSoldier says:

You have any idea what that could have done to it...

OMGitsme says:

..

OMGitsme says:

u worry me

OMGitsme says:

alot

PillowBiter says:

Alice, go buy a new fridge.

OMGitsme says:

no

OMGitsme says:

did you not read above IM?

ConfedSoldier says:

again with the breaking things

PillowBiter says:

Fine. I'll get one off the internet.

OMGitsme says:

k

ConfedSoldier says:

YOU NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT!

OMGitsme says:

have fun

OMGitsme says:

YES YOU DO!

OMGitsme says:

why?

PillowBiter says:

I'm not the one yelling. All I did was destroy Jasper's uniform.

ConfedSoldier says:

breaks outn psyciuatrist stuff So how are you FEELING today?

PillowBiter says:

OOOOWWWWWWW.

PillowBiter says:

I hit my knee.

OMGitsme says:

NOT GOOD, DOCTOR!

OMGitsme says:

I FEEL LIKE KILLING EDWARD!

PillowBiter says:

Alice, I believe he was... Oh God...

PillowBiter says:

Alice, let's just ignore those urges, okay?

PillowBiter says:

Please?

ConfedSoldier says:

...

ConfedSoldier says:

WOW

OMGitsme says:

...

OMGitsme says:

okay

ConfedSoldier says:

THAT's not G rated

PillowBiter says:

I don't want to die.

OMGitsme says:

I"m in my pajamas not, stupid

OMGitsme says:

now

PillowBiter says:

The picture in her head was terrifying, all right?

OMGitsme says:

yes, it was

PillowBiter says:

I'm traumatized.

ConfedSoldier says:

Your daughter is still in here

OMGitsme says:

you should be

PillowBiter says:

Sniff

OMGitsme says:

I am too

OMGitsme says:

by you

OMGitsme says:

and your face

PillowBiter says:

Alice, why don't you go to bed?

PillowBiter says:

WITHOUT Jasper.

OMGitsme says:

cuz I can't

OMGitsme says:

dumb butt

OMGitsme says:

not without Jasper

OMGitsme says:

sniff

ConfedSoldier says:

blink

PillowBiter says:

At least let me leave the house first.

OMGitsme says:

no

ConfedSoldier says:

I'm actually kinda scared...EDWARD! HELP

PillowBiter says:

AAAAHHHH! Twitch

OMGitsme says:

growl

OMGitsme says:

My Jasper

PillowBiter says:

Runs away Let me know when you're done.

OMGitsme says:

EDWARD!

OMGitsme says:

DONE!

ConfedSoldier says:

hangs head and walks back to alice

PillowBiter says:

You're sure?

OMGitsme says:

oops, I lied

OMGitsme says:

mental image

PillowBiter says:

bAWLS

PillowBiter says:

Bawls

PillowBiter says:

Sniffs again

OMGitsme says:

you better cry

PillowBiter says:

I can't actually cry, Alice.

OMGitsme says:

CRY NOW!

PillowBiter says:

I CAN'T, DARN IT!

ConfedSoldier says:

twitch

OMGitsme says:

WELL, YOU BETTER FIND A WAY!

ConfedSoldier says:

twitch

PillowBiter says:

Why is Jasper twitching? ... Nevermind.

OMGitsme says:

yeah

OMGitsme says:

mental image

PillowBiter says:

I feel bad for you Jasper.

ConfedSoldier says:

don't ask questions you don't want he answer to

OMGitsme says:

yeah

ConfedSoldier says:

twitch

PillowBiter says:

AAAAAGH! Twitches uncontrollably

OMGitsme says:

jeesh

OMGitsme says:

don't watch if you don't want to know

OMGitsme says:

Jeesh

OMGitsme says:

control your mind

PillowBiter says:

I'm not trying to! I would stop listening if you weren't thinking so loud!

OMGitsme says:

i'm...

OMGitsme says:

thinking normally

PillowBiter says:

Wham

OMGitsme says:

-ish

PillowBiter says:

No, you're thinking like a perv.

ConfedSoldier says:

Alice! I can't breathe!

OMGitsme says:

no i'm not

OMGitsme says:

...

OMGitsme says:

so?

PillowBiter says:

Excuse me, I can read your mind, remember?

ConfedSoldier says:

not that I need to but...

PillowBiter says:

... Jasper...

PillowBiter says:

Bang

OMGitsme says:

lol

PillowBiter says:

Waaaaaahhhhhh... ;;

OMGitsme says:

Time for a walk

OMGitsme says:

c ya two tards later!

ConfedSoldier says:

!! ah

OMGitsme says:

skips away

PillowBiter says:

Good. Leave. I'm tired of your min.

PillowBiter says:

mind

ConfedSoldier says:

Dang it, untie me!

PillowBiter says:

No.

PillowBiter says:

You didn't help me re-attach my arm, I'm not helping you untie yourself.

PillowBiter says:

Have fun.

PillowBiter says:

... Why are you tied up with pantiehose and bra straps...? o.o

OMGitsme says:

goes to Edward's room

PillowBiter says:

Screams

ConfedSoldier says:

I can't...reach it...

PillowBiter says:

Reach what?

ConfedSoldier says:

the knot...

PillowBiter says:

Sucks to me you.

PillowBiter says:

be

PillowBiter says:

Wait, how are you typing?

ConfedSoldier says:

ugh.. ALICE

PillowBiter says:

Blink

OMGitsme says:

I back

OMGitsme says:

Jasper, how's it ogin

OMGitsme says:

goin?

ConfedSoldier says:

WAH

PillowBiter says:

Poor Jasper. Alice, he needs a BIG hug.

ConfedSoldier says:

NO not that again

PillowBiter says:

He wants one.

PillowBiter says:

Truely he does. He loves your hugs. He thinks about them all the time.

ConfedSoldier says:

I'll shove your head in a small jar

PillowBiter says:

You're tied up.

OMGitsme says:

HUG

PillowBiter says:

Good luck with that.

ConfedSoldier says:

If I ever get untied

ConfedSoldier says:

ugh...that was not necessary

OMGitsme says:

yes it was

ConfedSoldier says:

now I REALLY can't breathe

PillowBiter says:

I don't think Alice will be untieing you anytime soon. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to leave so I don't go insane while she... uh, has fun with you.

OMGitsme says:

I'm done, don't worry

ConfedSoldier says:

I have no allies --

OMGitsme says:

right Jasper?

ConfedSoldier says:

whatever you say...

OMGitsme just sent you a nudge.

ConfedSoldier says:

I've given up trying to argue

PillowBiter says:

You're positive you're finished?

OMGitsme says:

...

OMGitsme says:

no comment

ConfedSoldier says:

if so then UNTIE ME

PillowBiter says:

Ooooh... There's a mountain lion outside my window. Be right back.

PillowBiter says:

I'm thirsty.

OMGitsme says:

...

OMGitsme says:

what's wrong with you

OMGitsme says:

?

OMGitsme says:

Jasper...\

OMGitsme says:

Unties knot

OMGitsme says:

go get food

PillowBiter says:

Ah shit...

ConfedSoldier says:

jumps out window

PillowBiter says:

I'm going to Denali. Be back in twenty years.

ConfedSoldier has left the conversation.

OMGitsme says:

okay!

OMGitsme says:

BYE!

PillowBiter says:

Well, he left... So I guess I can stay so he doesn't kill me.

ConfedSoldier has been added to the conversation.

OMGitsme says:

...

OMGitsme says:

Jaxper, sick him

PillowBiter says:

Why?!

ConfedSoldier says:

make up your mind

OMGitsme says:

I did

PillowBiter says:

Alice, do you want a Skittle? I'm done with them.

OMGitsme says:

I was done with them first

OMGitsme says:

dumb dumb

PillowBiter says:

So?

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, do you want them?

OMGitsme says:

alsdkfja;sldkfjalsdkfjaw;eoiutbwomvioeutwoqiw49p68bhn9trismg;o

PillowBiter says:

Alice...

OMGitsme says:

asjleiruan;sdfj

PillowBiter says:

What the heck?

OMGitsme says:

asleiurnboeifdnj

ConfedSoldier says:

she's communicating with aliens again

PillowBiter says:

I don't speak whatever the heck language you think you're speaking.

OMGitsme says:

asldkhtbj wnjif

OMGitsme says:

...

PillowBiter says:

Sigh

OMGitsme says:

yawn

ConfedSoldier says:

she does this frequently actually

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, there is seriously something wrong with her.

OMGitsme says:

Fell asleep

PillowBiter says:

You can't sleep...

ConfedSoldier says:

It's really creepy when she does it when I'm concentrating on something else

OMGitsme says:

oh, didn't I tell you?

OMGitsme says:

I'm not a vmapire

PillowBiter says:

I'm frightened now.

OMGitsme says:

vampire

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, let's eat her.

ConfedSoldier says:

she said that last IM

OMGitsme says:

hahaha

OMGitsme says:

you can't

OMGitsme says:

cuz I"m made of metal

PillowBiter says:

She claimed she was a stinking wolf in the last one.

PillowBiter says:

Metal? We can bite through that. Easily.

OMGitsme says:

nope

PillowBiter says:

Yes we can.

OMGitsme says:

it's vampire proof

OMGitsme says:

impossible

OMGitsme says:

I tried it

PillowBiter says:

There's no such thing, ALice.

ConfedSoldier says:

distracted by shiny object again

OMGitsme says:

yup

OMGitsme says:

there is

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, FOCUS.

OMGitsme says:

I made it

PillowBiter says:

You both need new brains.

OMGitsme says:

g;lkwEJVGBTNDIFJ

PillowBiter says:

You know that, right?

ConfedSoldier says:

Alice...did you take those drugs again?

OMGitsme says:

;alksejrnb;lihjg

ConfedSoldier says:

that crap is bad enough on humans

PillowBiter says:

Drugs? I didn't know drugs could actually affect us.

OMGitsme says:

sdligjoeriutoerjigsd;kgjewoutw0394tuq4e9q9u346iuerpgj3486q09485w9urtiweroijtwoe8u60w39485wpoeriutwopei456uworeutwoe6uo8w346u\

OMGitsme says:

as;dlfj

OMGitsme says:

a;sldkfj

OMGitsme says:

alsdkfjsad

OMGitsme says:

MARIJAUNA!

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, let's go get pot... And give it to Emmett, just to see what he does.

ConfedSoldier says:

Nessie's making odd noises

PillowBiter says:

I thought you said she was dead.

ConfedSoldier says:

I think it was the pot--I MEAN

ConfedSoldier says:

uh

PillowBiter says:

Guys, I ordered her coffin and everything!

ConfedSoldier says:

yeah, cause she's dead

OMGitsme says:

1234567891011121314151617181920212223242526272829303132333435363738394041424344454647484950

ConfedSoldier says:

wait...

ConfedSoldier says:

we're moving to binary now Alice/

ConfedSoldier says:

?

PillowBiter says:

Binary?

ConfedSoldier says:

wow little brother, go back to college

PillowBiter says:

-.-

OMGitsme says:

yeah edward

OMGitsme says:

you college-profesor-briber

ConfedSoldier says:

00011101101011110101010000110101110000

ConfedSoldier says:

THAT is binary

PillowBiter says:

I bet Alice seduced them to pass.

ConfedSoldier says:

it's a computer code

OMGitsme says:

you're terrible

OMGitsme says:

I'd only do that to Jasper

PillowBiter says:

You're worse.

ConfedSoldier says:

hides

PillowBiter says:

No, you rape him.

OMGitsme says:

no I do not

ConfedSoldier says:

hides again

OMGitsme says:

You can't rape the willing

PillowBiter says:

Yes, you do.

OMGitsme says:

read above

PillowBiter says:

Who said he was willing?!

ConfedSoldier says:

HIDES AGAI AGAIN

OMGitsme says:

He did

PillowBiter says:

When?

OMGitsme says:

You should see it

ConfedSoldier says:

alice

PillowBiter says:

I can hear his thoughts. He is NOT willing.

OMGitsme says:

mental video

ConfedSoldier says:

you swore you'd never bring that up...

PillowBiter says:

I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT!!

OMGitsme says:

yes, you did

ConfedSoldier says:

you started this Edward!

OMGitsme says:

to see that he was willing

PillowBiter says:

I'm leaving.

OMGitsme says:

Jasper...

OMGitsme says:

come'on

ConfedSoldier says:

I'm going to go run in terror again

OMGitsme says:

no you're not

OMGitsme says:

...

PillowBiter says:

Have fun trying to get away.

OMGitsme has left the conversation.

ConfedSoldier says:

oh jeez, not again! Enough with the tying me up!

PillowBiter says:

Good luck, Jasper.

ConfedSoldier says:

ugh


	4. Chapter 4

Alice says:

I'm... sorry? It's not my fault... exactly... Emmett told me to!!!!

Confed_Soldier says:

Oh. Okay. So that just automatically makes it okay then?

Alice says:

Ummm... Yes? *Puppy dog eyes*

Confed_Soldier says:

Don't make the face, it don' work

Alice says:

Are you absolutely certain? Maybe I should try it again...

Confed_Soldier says:

hmph. *Turns away*

Alice says:

*sobs* JASPER! But... but... Jasper!

Confed_Soldier says:

*Not turning around*

Alice says:

*Screams and leaves the room*

Alice says:

I HATE YOU JASPER!

Confed_Soldier says:

O.o

Confed_Soldier says:

.....well great, now what

PillowBiter has been added to the conversation.

Alice says:

I'm never talking to you again.

Confed_Soldier says:

Edward, I think I just got dumped

PillowBiter says:

What are you two going on about NOW?

Alice says:

It's being mean!

PillowBiter says:

Honestly, all I'm getting from your brains is fight, fight, fight.

Alice says:

I hate it

PillowBiter says:

Can't you just get along?

Confed_Soldier says:

'It?' Oh come on, that's a little harsh isn't it

Alice says:

it's mean

Alice says:

never again

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, just make her like you. Sheesh.

Alice says:

It won't work

Confed_Soldier says:

I mean sure I've wanted to kill Bella for a long time but who hasn't?

Alice says:

I haven't!

PillowBiter says:

HEY!

Alice says:

One more reason to hate you

PillowBiter says:

That would be my WIFE you are talking about!

PillowBiter says:

I should kill YOU!

Alice says:

Yesh, Jazzy

Alice says:

I agree totally and completely

Confed_Soldier says:

Alice you started it!

Alice says:

I hate you, stop talking to me

Confed_Soldier says:

And don't call me Jazzy if you're mad at me!

PillowBiter says:

How about the both ofyou stop talking? You are giving me a headache.

Alice says:

Pfft, why wouldn't I call you Jazzy? You hever liked it before~

Confed_Soldier says:

YOU'RE talking to- oh, forget it!

Alice says:

*!

PillowBiter says:

Jazz, shut up. I don't think you're helping matters.

Alice says:

Edward, let's go shopping

PillowBiter says:

No.

Alice says:

Oh really?

PillowBiter says:

GET OUTTA MY ROOM!

Confed_Soldier says:

I'll go hook up with that Angela chick then

Alice says:

*Growls*

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, go jump off a cliff.

Alice says:

I agree

Confed_Soldier says:

and what would that do?

PillowBiter says:

On second thought, come save me from your ex-wife.

Confed_Soldier says:

no

PillowBiter says:

Damn you.

Alice says:

It wouldn't work, anyway

PillowBiter says:

Why not? Aren't I your favorite brother?

PillowBiter says:

;_;

Alice says:

Pfft, you're better than that thing anyway

Confed_Soldier says:

*leaves* I'll have Emmett type for me

PillowBiter says:

Oh dear Lord...

Alice says:

You're MY favorite family member

Confed_Soldier says:

HI GUYZ

PillowBiter says:

What?

Alice says:

besides Emmett, of course

PillowBiter says:

Emmett?! You like HIM better than ME?!

PillowBiter says:

I'm insultec.

Alice says:

Yeah. We stole a semi together.

PillowBiter says:

insulted*

Confed_Soldier says:

HANG ONZ I GOTTA CHANGEE THE NAMEY THINGY

Alice says:

You would never do that

PillowBiter says:

No, I wouldn't. Because I have a little thing called a concience.

PillowBiter says:

conscience*

Alice says:

But that's no fun!

PillowBiter says:

Wait, that's wrong again.

PillowBiter says:

Screw it.

Teddy_Bear says:

YAYZNESS

Alice says:

...

PillowBiter says:

Emmett, you're so weird.

Teddy_Bear says:

ALICE WHAT DIDS YOU DOOZ TO MAKE JAZZ SO MAD

PillowBiter says:

Why don't you go throw gummi bears at cars driving by?

PillowBiter says:

She hates him now.

Alice says:

Hmph, he doesn't like the fact that we stole a semi without him

PillowBiter says:

I've no idea what started their argument; I wasn't paying attention.

Teddy_Bear says:

OOHZ. YOU FORGETZ, HES KINDA SENSITIVE

Alice says:

He's an idiot

PillowBiter says:

Oh. That's why he's so mad? What an imbiscile.

Alice says:

I agree

Alice says:

completely

Teddy_Bear says:

yayz, gotz the caps lockxz off

Alice says:

Emmett...

Alice says:

take typing lessons

Alice says:

Just saying

Teddy_Bear says:

whyz

PillowBiter says:

Guys, am I the only one that heard a car pulling into the driveway?

Alice says:

Because it's kind of difficult to read what you type

Alice says:

No, but I don't care.

Alice says:

Maybe you heard a car pulling out of the driveway, and it's Jasper leaving.

Alice says:

That would be nice

Teddy_Bear says:

Hey, ask Bella if thats that one chicks Angelas car edward

PillowBiter says:

Alice, you haven't had any visions of anyone unexpectedly showing up, have you"

PillowBiter says:

?*

Alice says:

Yes, I have, but I can dream, can't I?

PillowBiter says:

Bella isn't here, Emmett.

PillowBiter says:

She's at the mall with Nessie and Jacob.

Teddy_Bear says:

whrred shego

PillowBiter says:

They're shopping for dresses.

PillowBiter says:

*Snickers*

Teddy_Bear says:

thats sounds unfun

Alice says:

I wanted to stay home with Jazzy

Alice says:

I wish I'd gone

Alice says:

Maybe I will...

PillowBiter says:

You could probably catch up with them.

PillowBiter says:

They only left a few minutes ago.

Alice says:

Yes, but then I'd have to be with Nessie...

Teddy_Bear says:

aw alice he's just kinda heated up right now. You know how he gets

Alice says:

I don't know if I could stand it. All the teenage hormones...

Alice says:

ugh

PillowBiter says:

I can hardly stand to be around her and Jacob. It's traumatizing.

Alice says:

I know

Alice says:

I can see it before it happens

PillowBiter says:

Almost as bad as you and Rosalie, Emmett.

Alice says:

you don't have anything on me, brother

PillowBiter says:

*Pointed glare*

Alice says:

and no, it's worse

PillowBiter says:

True.

Teddy_Bear says:

me and rose can go hunt with him and once hes had blood he'll be a lot more agreeable. you'll see

Alice says:

at least I knew what they were doing

Alice says:

I don't know with that wolf

Alice says:

I doubt it.

PillowBiter says:

Alice, I really don't want to discuss that subject.

Alice says:

He's an idiot, as previously stated

Alice says:

OH yeah

Alice says:

that's your daughter

Teddy_Bear says:

eh? the wolf? yeh

Alice says:

I rememver

Alice says:

*remember

PillowBiter says:

Emmett, go away.

Teddy_Bear says:

dun see why we gotta keep him around

Alice says:

I don't, either

PillowBiter says:

Go find Carlisle or someone who can give you brain surgery.

Alice says:

Emmett, you and I will hit him with a semi

PillowBiter says:

Wait, why you have to keep me around? ;_;

PillowBiter says:

You guys are so cruel.

Alice says:

No, Jacob.

Teddy_Bear says:

hmph, fine. Maybe you're not the problem Alice. Maybe it's a certian BRONZIE WHO TALKS TOO MUCH

PillowBiter says:

I'll tell Aro.

Alice says:

Idiot

Alice says:

I AGREE!

PillowBiter says:

WHAT DID I DO?!

Alice says:

You talked too much

Teddy_Bear says:

's a date Al!

Alice says:

obviously

PillowBiter says:

I had nothing to do with your fight!

Alice says:

So you say

Alice says:

I doubt you were innnocent

Teddy_Bear says:

I'll see ya later

PillowBiter says:

I was too!

Alice says:

You probably told him to be a terd

PillowBiter says:

am*

PillowBiter says:

I did nothing of the sort. I could care less about him being cruel to you.

Alice says:

Pfft, says you.

Alice says:

I'm going to go find Jacob, ttfn

PillowBiter says:

I hear a mountain lion... I'm going to go eat it.

Alice says:

(and a semi, so emmett and I can have some fun)

Alice says:

signed off

Confed_Soldier says:

Alice?

Confed_Soldier says:

TCH. Everyone left! Crimany!

PillowBiter says:

*Licking lips* That was yummy.

NewVampGrl says:

EDWARD I CAN'T FIND NESSIE ANYWHERE!!!

PillowBiter has left the conversation.

NewVampGrl says:

Edward? OH NOZ NOW HE'S GONE TOO! WAAAAHHHHHH

PillowBiter has been added to the conversation.

NewVampGrl says:

I'M A FAILURE AT LIFE!!! WAAAAHHH

PillowBiter says:

I have no comment.

NewVampGrl says:

;_; Eddie have you seen her?

PillowBiter says:

Her who?

NewVampGrl says:

NESSIE!!!!

PillowBiter says:

Oh.

Alice is already in this conversation.

PillowBiter says:

No idea. It wasn't my turn to watch her.

Alice says:

signed in

NewVampGrl says:

ALICE HAVE YOU SEEN NESSIE ANYWHERE???!!!!

Alice says:

Well, no more worrying about that annoying wolf and his teenage hormones with Bella's idiot of a daughter...

Alice says:

Umm... ignore that last

Alice says:

Hi Bell!

Alice says:

*Bella!

PillowBiter says:

Good going, Alice. You're going to give my wife a heart attack.

NewVampGrl says:

what did you do???!!!

Alice says:

Um.... Nothing

Alice says:

It was Emmett

NewVampGrl says:

ALICWE

NewVampGrl says:

-W

Alice says:

Ummm....

NewVampGrl says:

;_;

PillowBiter says:

Wow.

Alice says:

Edward killed your daughters dog of a boyfriend

NewVampGrl says:

EDWARD!!!

PillowBiter says:

No I didn't.

PillowBiter says:

I can hear them.

NewVampGrl says:

HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A- oh you didn't?

PillowBiter says:

They're..."playing"

PillowBiter says:

.

PillowBiter says:

*Twitches*

Alice says:

I'm glad I"m not in the house anymore

NewVampGrl says:

oh. Well that's okay then

PillowBiter says:

O_O

NewVampGrl says:

what

PillowBiter says:

You're such a freak, Bella.

Alice says:

Wait, The wolf's still there?

Alice says:

Eff

PillowBiter says:

EMMETT GO AWAY!

Alice says:

So he didn't die by means of semi

Alice says:

shoot

PillowBiter has left the conversation.

NewVampGrl says:

;_; E-E-E-E-EDWARD CALLED ME A-A-A-A-A-A-A F-F-F-FREAK???!!!!

Alice says:

Yes

Alice says:

He hates

Alice says:

you

Alice says:

lots

Alice says:

and

Alice says:

lots

Alice says:

He told me

Alice says:

He's going to break up with you tonight

NewVampGrl says:

;_; why does he hate me?

PillowBiter has been added to the conversation.

Alice says:

Because you 'suck'

Alice has left the conversation.

Alice has been added to the conversation.

NewVampGrl says:

sdgtr

PillowBiter says:

Wtf?

Alice says:

You suck too

Alice says:

you're a sucky couple

NewVampGrl says:

Sorry, dropped that laptop

Alice says:

get it?

Alice says:

I think it's funny

PillowBiter says:

It's a stupid joke.

NewVampGrl says:

Funny? Why, do you think we need marriage counciling Alice/

Alice says:

Bella?

NewVampGrl says:

?? Yes?

Alice says:

You're an idiot

Alice says:

just like your sucky husband

PillowBiter says:

Stop.

Alice says:

and mine, too, on that note

NewVampGrl says:

;_; Eedward is NOT a sucky husband!

NewVampGrl says:

-e

Alice says:

Yes, he is.

PillowBiter says:

Thank you.

Alice says:

It's what he is.

Alice says:

Carlisle made him that way

PillowBiter says:

Go visit the Volturi, Alice.

Alice says:

I'd rather not,

NewVampGrl says:

?? What does Carlisle have to do with it?

Alice says:

However, if you would like to, bring Jasper with you.

Alice says:

*Hits forehead in relation to Bella's comment*

PillowBiter says:

Wow, love, wow.

Alice says:

I love how stupid Bella is

NewVampGrl says:

?? Okay, wait up. What happened to you and jACOB AND NESSIE DO THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE

PillowBiter says:

Be nice to my wife.

Alice says:

You're supposed to be better as a sucker, but apparently it goes backwards when you're not actually bitten

PillowBiter says:

O.o

Alice says:

Ahhh

PillowBiter says:

Alice, you're going to confuse her again.

Alice says:

I know

Alice says:

It's fun, right?

NewVampGrl says:

Ah, kids. ANYWAY, what happened to you and Jasper Alice?

Alice says:

He's an idiot sucker that needs to go to the Volturi. Have you not paid any attention at all?

NewVampGrl says:

What did he do?

Alice says:

...

PillowBiter says:

-.-

NewVampGrl says:

O.o OMZ CARLISLE EDDIE JUST WENT TO SLEEP!!!

Alice says:

YES!

Alice says:

HE"S DEAD!

NewVampGrl says:

Well duh Alice. I knew that

Alice says:

...

Alice says:

Bella...

Alice says:

I...

Alice says:

You're an idiot

PillowBiter says:

Carlisle's asleep?

PillowBiter says:

How is that possible?

NewVampGrl says:

Jeesh. I just don't see why you call him a sucky husband. You're not married to him, how would you know?

Alice says:

you are too, eddie

PillowBiter says:

No, I'm awake.

Alice says:

... I don't even want to know

Alice says:

Keep your intentions to yourself, please!!!

NewVampGrl says:

But eddie you were al like -.-

Alice says:

.

Alice says:

AHHHH!!!!

Alice says:

I NEED TO LEAVE NOW!

Alice says:

signed off

NewVampGrl says:

O.o what happened

NewVampGrl says:

I TOLD YOU TWO TO GET IN THE OTHER ROO- what the heck is that?

PillowBiter says:

I'm not quite sure.

PillowBiter says:

Uh, Bella dear...

NewVampGrl says:

You're seeing this in their minds right? How do you even do that?

PillowBiter says:

I'm blocking it out.

NewVampGrl says:

It looks almost painful

PillowBiter says:

Which is why I'm blockig it out.

Alice says:

signed on

PillowBiter says:

Where did Jasper go, Alice?

NewVampGrl says:

Alice, when will they be done?

Alice says:

*sees what nessie and Jacob are planning*

Alice says:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

PillowBiter says:

We were going to go hunting later tonight.

Alice says:

Effin...

Alice says:

AHHHHH!

Alice says:

Freak!

Alice says:

EDWARD!

PillowBiter says:

O.O I "heard" that. Oh dear Lord...

NewVampGrl says:

Hold on, I need to get a pencil and papaer and get how to do this written down

Alice says:

GO Disicipline you daughter now!!!!!!!

Alice says:

BELLA!

Alice says:

GO THE FREAK AWAY!

PillowBiter says:

Be right back.

PillowBiter says:

signed off

Alice says:

AHHHHHHHH!!!

Alice says:

EFFF!

Alice says:

Freakin!

Alice says:

*twitches*

Confed_Soldier says:

Alice my flame boxers are gone again have you seen HOLY MOTHER ***

PillowBiter says:

signs on

Alice says:

There are no words bad enough for that

PillowBiter says:

I give up.

Alice says:

Jasper, save me, please

Confed_Soldier says:

WHY ARE WE DOIN THIS IN MY ROOM!!!

Alice says:

I'm going to shoot myself if I see anymore of this

PillowBiter says:

Actually, dear, it's mine............

PillowBiter says:

Alice, it wouldn't hurt you.

PillowBiter says:

And I don't think we've got any guns.

Alice says:

Fine!

Confed_Soldier says:

THE BOTH OF YOU OUT NOW!!! Bella put the freaking notebook away Eddie can show you how to do it later

PillowBiter says:

They're kind of redundant.

Alice says:

Volturi, here I come

PillowBiter says:

*Waves* Send me a postcard.

Alice says:

See ya

Alice says:

signed off

Confed_Soldier says:

Jeeez control your daughter Edward...

PillowBiter says:

What do we do now?

PillowBiter says:

MY daughter? I don't want the ambomination?

PillowBiter says:

.*

Alice says:

signed on

Alice says:

Guys, the Volture said this was punishment enough!

PillowBiter says:

She's back...?

Confed_Soldier says:

I agree wholehartedly, tho I wouldn't tell the women folk that

Alice says:

they wouldn't kill me!!!!

PillowBiter says:

Lol.

PillowBiter says:

Sucks to be you.

Alice says:

Yes, it does

Alice says:

LOL!

Confed_Soldier says:

YOU WENT TO THE WO ON A WHAT SANDWICH

Alice says:

Hehehe, sucker

Alice says:

I wanted to die to get that thing out of my freakin head, and it didn't work

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, you're wife tried to commit suicide.

Alice says:

Yes

Alice says:

For good reason

Confed_Soldier says:

I gathered that

Alice says:

If you'd seen that...

PillowBiter says:

You've got to be feeling the...emotion...from my room.

Alice says:

*twitch*

Confed_Soldier says:

And she's my ex-wife now

Alice says:

Yes

Alice says:

Ex

PillowBiter says:

*Twitches*

PillowBiter says:

Sorry. I forgot.

Confed_Soldier says:

I found that one Zafrina chick and married her

Alice says:

Mmmmm

PillowBiter says:

She's pretty cool.

Alice says:

I'll be back, I've got to find... someone... to kill them.

PillowBiter says:

Alice, you could marry Garrett!

Alice says:

signed off

PillowBiter says:

He's awesome.

PillowBiter says:

Damn. She left.

PillowBiter says:

I really wanted Garrett to be in our family.

Confed_Soldier says:

I saw him too. He said he wanted to talk to Bella for some reason

Alice says:

signed on

PillowBiter says:

Not that I don't love you, Jasper...

PillowBiter says:

O_O

Alice says:

Okay, killing that chick was easier than expected

PillowBiter says:

WHAT?!

Alice says:

I mean...

PillowBiter says:

Who'd you kill?'

Confed_Soldier says:

HAH SO YOU ARE JEALOUS!

PillowBiter says:

- '

Confed_Soldier says:

BURN

PillowBiter says:

Shut up, Jasper.

Confed_Soldier says:

THAT MEANS YOU STILL LIKE ME

Alice says:

Jazzy's new wife

PillowBiter says:

What?

Alice says:

She's dead now

PillowBiter says:

Oh.

PillowBiter says:

Wait, Nessie liked her...

Alice says:

So?

Alice says:

Do I care?

PillowBiter says:

And her "pretty pictures."

Confed_Soldier says:

I never married her I just went down there for a bit

Alice says:

Look what she's done to me!!!!!!!

PillowBiter says:

No, you don't.

PillowBiter says:

JASPER'S HAVING AN AFFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PillowBiter says:

Alice, shoot him.

Alice says:

Not anymore

Confed_Soldier says:

I WAS NOT

PillowBiter says:

With a BB gun.

Alice says:

I killed her

Alice says:

she's dead

PillowBiter says:

In the eye.

Confed_Soldier says:

I DIDN'T MARRY THE CHICK

Alice says:

yeah, cuz that would totally work

Alice says:

killing her with a bb fun

Alice says:

*gun

PillowBiter says:

Fun.

PillowBiter says:

I'm going to go and attempt to punish my daughter and son-in-law...

PillowBiter says:

Be back shortly.

Alice says:

Heh, have fun

PillowBiter says:

signed off

Confed_Soldier says:

bout time somebody did

Alice says:

...

Confed_Soldier says:

*sigh* alice?

Alice says:

Do you have any wooden stakes around? Ooh, and some fire!

Confed_Soldier says:

Loo, will you hear me out?

Confed_Soldier says:

*look

Alice says:

Heh, no

Alice says:

You hate me

Alice says:

I hate you

Alice says:

Settled

Confed_Soldier says:

Look Al, I'd say I was sorry but I know you wouldn't care, and I'd find some way to make it up to you but you'd see it coming....

Confed_Soldier says:

I'm at my wit's end

Alice says:

...

Confed_Soldier says:

The only thing I can thik of is to get you some rope

Alice says:

...

Alice says:

Hmmmm...

Alice says:

That might be arranged

Alice says:

But we need a new bed first

PillowBiter says:

signed on

PillowBiter says:

Oh dear Lord, not you guys, too............

PillowBiter says:

;_;

Alice says:

A pretty one

PillowBiter says:

I'm all alone in this house.

PillowBiter says:

*Sniff*

Alice says:

But very durable

PillowBiter says:

And now you've been distracted by furniture.

PillowBiter says:

O_O

Confed_Soldier says:

*sigh* I hid what rope you had under the floorboard...I'll go find a four-poster.....

PillowBiter says:

*Twitches* X.X

Alice says:

YES!

PillowBiter says:

You're scarring me for life!

Alice says:

Killing Edward was an unintended but pleasant side effect

PillowBiter says:

Bitch.

Confed_Soldier says:

signed off (and is scared)

Alice says:

OOOOH, now you die

Alice says:

Or Bella...

PillowBiter says:

Yes, I know.

Alice says:

I could kill her

PillowBiter says:

Go ahead.

Alice says:

Make you suffer

PillowBiter says:

She doesn't like me anymore.

PillowBiter says:

'Cause I knocked her up.

PillowBiter says:

;_;

Alice says:

Oh, but you still gots feelings for her, cuz she was your first?

PillowBiter says:

I mean, seriously, it's been two years.

PillowBiter says:

Maaaaaaaybeeeeeee....

Alice says:

...

PillowBiter says:

You'll tell her I love her, won't ya, Alice?

PillowBiter says:

Please?

PillowBiter says:

I miss her.

PillowBiter says:

;_;

Alice writes:

PillowBiter says:

Be nice to my wife!

Alice says:

It's Edward's knocked up girlfriend!

Alice says:

/wife

PillowBiter says:

Even if she's not speaking to me.

Alice says:

And no

Alice says:

I won't tell her

Alice says:

HAHAHAHAH!

Alice says:

*ha

PillowBiter says:

Jasper, just because you can't have kids doesn't mean you have to be so mean!

Confed_Soldier says:

(texting from phone) alice they have this one that's actually advertised to be reinforced with steel

Alice says:

OOOOOOH, get that one!!!

Alice says:

That's fun!

PillowBiter says:

I'm telling Carlisle, Alice!

PillowBiter says:

O_O

Alice says:

Pfft, see if you do

Confed_Soldier says:

*sigh* all right......I'm sore already.....

Alice says:

you won't get that far

PillowBiter says:

Aaaaah.....

Alice says:

I want to help you pick it out, I'll be right there!

Alice says:

signed off

Confed_Soldier says:

wait wha-

Confed_Soldier says:

ah whatev (signed off)

PillowBiter says:

Damn you all.

PillowBiter says:

You left me


	5. Chapter 5

Confed_Soldier says:

ALICE WHAT THE FREAK HOW IN THE HECK COULD YOU BREAK A STEEL-REINFORCED BED?

OMGitsme says:

I'm special.

OMGitsme says:

That's how

Confed_Soldier says:

What in the name of Albert Pike am I supposed to buy now?

Pillowbiter has been added to the conversation.

OMGitsme says:

WHAT?

Pillowbiter says:

**Hey.**

Pillowbiter says:

**What are you guys doing?**

Confed_Soldier says:

Edward she broke the bed!

Pillowbiter says:

**I didn't need to know that.**

Confed_Soldier says:

What the freak am I gonna buy now?

OMGitsme says:

_Yes, apparently you think you did._

OMGitsme says:

_Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked._

Pillowbiter says:

**Shut up, Alice.**

Pillowbiter says:

**I heard you swinging earlier.**

OMGitsme says:

_I'd rather not, thank you_

Pillowbiter says:

**Why were you on my daughter's swing set?**

OMGitsme says:

_Because it was fun._

OMGitsme says:

_You got a problem with it?!?!?!?!_

Confed_Soldier says:

Alice I really may need you to untie me this time. I may be a vampire but my spine doesn't bend this way....

Pillowbiter says:

**Just don't break it.**

Pillowbiter says:

**I... No comment, Jasper.**

OMGitsme says:

_How does a vampire go about breaking a spine?_

OMGitsme says:

_And no, it's more fun this way, Jazzy. Deal with it._

Confed_Soldier says:

I DON'T KNOW! NOW FREAKIN A UNTIE ME

OMGitsme says:

_NO!_

Pillowbiter says:

**I don't want to know. If you'll excuse me, a rabbit just wandered into the yard and I'm a bit peckish.**

Confed_Soldier says:

;_; but Alice....

OMGitsme says:

_That's just great_

OMGitsme says:

_No_

OMGitsme says:

_Figure it out for yourself_

OMGitsme says:

_You're smart, you'll think of something_

Confed_Soldier says:

peckish? Seriously little brother who says that

OMGitsme says:

_maybe you can influence someone into actually WANTING to untie you_

Confed_Soldier says:

Nobody's up here ;_;

OMGitsme says:

_And how are you IMing if you're tied up?_

Confed_Soldier says:

I'm using my phone

OMGitsme says:

_Oh..._

OMGitsme says:

_well, text someone else._

OMGitsme says:

_I'm busy_

Confed_Soldier says:

Wolf. WOLF! YOU IN THE FUR, GET BACK HERE

Confed_Soldier says:

darnit

OMGitsme says:

_Hahaha_

Confed_Soldier says:

what are you so busy with?

OMGitsme says:

_Something..._

OMGitsme says:

_None of your business_

Confed_Soldier says:

what the...EMMETT! ROSE! GET THE FREAK OUT NOW

Confed_Soldier says:

EWWW

OMGitsme says:

_HAHAHAHAHA!_

Confed_Soldier says:

We're married, how is it not my business

OMGitsme says:

_Because I said so, get used to it_

OMGitsme says:

_you'll hear it a lot, you nosy-emotion messing vampire._

OMGitsme says:

_So there. =P_

Pillowbiter says:

**Do I want to know? I can hear Jasper screaming...**

OMGitsme says:

_I can't..._

Confed_Soldier says:

that.....was.......so disturbing.....

Pillowbiter says:

**I don't want to know, do I?**

Confed_Soldier says:

I feel violated and I only watched it

OMGitsme says:

_Probably not_

Pillowbiter says:

**O_O**

Pillowbiter says:

**Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Mental replay... X.X**

OMGitsme says:

_glad I'm not keeping tabs on Emmett and Rose_

Confed_Soldier says:

What the, will you two get the freak out of here already?

Confed_Soldier says:

O.O Holy crap what are you gonna do with that....

Pillowbiter says:

**You should be VERY glad.**

Pillowbiter says:

**Jasper, you may want to hide right now.**

OMGitsme says:

_he can't_

OMGitsme says:

_he's tied to the bed_

Confed_Soldier says:

I'M TIED UP AS AFOREMENTIONED

Pillowbiter says:

**I pity him.**

OMGitsme says:

_Well, if you pity him so much, you might as well untie him_

Confed_Soldier says:

ALICE come on this isn't even right....

Pillowbiter says:

**Then close your eyes.**

OMGitsme says:

_I'm not even in the same hemisphere as you anymore_

Confed_Soldier says:

GET OFF OF ME!

OMGitsme says:

_I'm on vacation_

Pillowbiter says:

**I'm coming to help you, one moment.**

Confed_Soldier says:

THERE'S A WHOLE ROOM HERE FOR YOU TO DO THAT!

Confed_Soldier says:

ALICE, YOU WENT ON VACATION AND DIDN'T TELL ME! ;_;

OMGitsme says:

_Yes, because otherwise, it wouldn't be vacation._

Pillowbiter says:

**There, he's untied.**

OMGitsme says:

_I'm still upset that you freaked out on me, Jazzy, why should I be nice?_

Pillowbiter says:

**O_O Why did they follow me...?**

Pillowbiter says:

**JASPER HELP ME!!!!!!**

OMGitsme says:

_It's sunny out..._

OMGitsme says:

_I wonder if I could go outside..._

Confed_Soldier says:

I already apologized.....multiple times.....

Confed_Soldier says:

and in multiple ways....

Pillowbiter says:

**HELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!**

OMGitsme says:

_So?_

Confed_Soldier says:

Freak no Edward I'm not going back in there

OMGitsme says:

_I'm a VAMPIRE, I don't get over things very quicklky_

OMGitsme says:

_*quickly_

Pillowbiter says:

**THEY'RE...doing things... AAAAAAAAHHHHH.**

OMGitsme says:

_You're doing things, too_

OMGitsme says:

_What's your point?_

Confed_Soldier says:

Do they still have the ice cream scoop cause that was just wrong.....

Pillowbiter says:

**They're doing things that aren't acceptable to do in front of me, and they're attempting to get me to participate.... HELP ME.**

OMGitsme says:

_*laughs*_

Pillowbiter says:

**Fuck you, help me!**

Confed_Soldier says:

You know, I could just find wherever you are and MAKE you forgive me

OMGitsme says:

_Ha, like you could_

Confed_Soldier says:

ugh, one moment Bronzie I'm comin

Pillowbiter says:

**OH THANK GOD...**

Confed_Soldier says:

Oh freakin A nice move genius

Confed_Soldier says:

now we're BOTH stuck here

Pillowbiter says:

**Me? How was it MY fault that they tied us together?!**

OMGitsme says:

_LOL_

Confed_Soldier says:

;_; Alice......*puppy dog eyes*

OMGitsme says:

_HAHAHA, no_

Pillowbiter says:

**Please Alice?**

OMGitsme says:

_this is good punishment for you_

Pillowbiter says:

**For your favorite brother?**

Pillowbiter says:

**Then help me, at least?**

OMGitsme says:

_Pfft, favorite? yeah, right_

OMGitsme says:

_I'd take Emmett over you_

Confed_Soldier says:

O.O what is that.......

Pillowbiter says:

**Then how about your favorite niece's dad?**

OMGitsme says:

_Pfft, Nessie? She scares me_

OMGitsme says:

_she and that dog..._

Pillowbiter says:

**I don't want to know Jazz, I don't want to know.**

Pillowbiter says:

**Your favorite sister's husband?**

Confed_Soldier says:

oh jeez don't do it don't do it don't do it AHHH

Pillowbiter says:

**That looked painful...**

Pillowbiter says:

**OUCH.**

Pillowbiter says:

**It is. -.-**

OMGitsme says:

_JAZZY!_

Confed_Soldier says:

Kudos to Emmett I couldn't do that

OMGitsme says:

_I'm going outside_

OMGitsme says:

_Into the sun_

OMGitsme says:

_To suntan_

OMGitsme says:

_see you in a couple of hours_

Confed_Soldier says:

I don't think that'll work Alice

OMGitsme says:

_So you say_

Pillowbiter says:

**WHY DO THEY HAVE A CAT?!**

Confed_Soldier says:

But you're beautiful anyway you don't need a tan

OMGitsme says:

_You're just sucking up_

Confed_Soldier says:

So?

Pillowbiter says:

**You CAN'T tan!**

OMGitsme says:

_...?_

OMGitsme says:

_I don't believe you, idiot brother_

OMGitsme says:

_=P_

Confed_Soldier says:

I'm tied up and you don't even wanna KNOW what they're doing in here

Pillowbiter says:

**. . . Stpid vampire.**

OMGitsme says:

_No, otherwise, I'd be watching_

Pillowbiter says:

**stupid***

Confed_Soldier says:

But Alice....I miss you.... ;_;

Pillowbiter says:

**THAT DOES NOT GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!**

OMGitsme says:

_..._

OMGitsme says:

_That's enough narrating on your part_

OMGitsme says:

_Then you can come out here_

Pillowbiter says:

**Get the pencil OUT of my eye socket!**

OMGitsme says:

_..._

Confed_Soldier says:

And that other thing out of....I'm not even gonna say it

Pillowbiter says:

**O_O**

OMGitsme says:

_again, ..._

Pillowbiter says:

**"..." nothing, come save us!**

Pillowbiter says:

**;_;**

OMGitsme says:

_Well... okay. But I'm just in the garage_

Confed_Soldier says:

Alice come on...... I'll let you take me shopping and I'll wear whatever you buy me

OMGitsme says:

_it shouldn't take that long_

OMGitsme says:

_and you let me do that already_

Confed_Soldier says:

^^ yay

Confed_Soldier says:

yes, but I'll do it willingly now

OMGitsme says:

_Not like you had a choice..._

Pillowbiter says:

**You do know she's going to put you into something frilly and make you look gay, right?**

OMGitsme says:

_*grabs Jasper by ear and yanks him out of room*_

Confed_Soldier says:

yeah, but this way we won't go through so much rope

OMGitsme says:

_And no, Edward, that's you_

Pillowbiter says:

**YOU'RE LEAVING ME HERE?!**

OMGitsme says:

_Yes_

OMGitsme says:

_Have fun_

Pillowbiter says:

**But... but... but...**

Pillowbiter says:

**OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

OMGitsme says:

_sucks to be you_

Pillowbiter says:

**I was kidding... ;_; **

OMGitsme says:

_get it? SUCKS?_

Pillowbiter says:

**-.-**

Pillowbiter says:

**Bad joke.**

Confed_Soldier says:

Alice that won't even come close to fitting O.o

OMGitsme says:

_But I can dream, right?_

Confed_Soldier says:

I don't care just please don't put it on me

Pillowbiter says:

**I'll let you dress me up, too! Just SAVE ME!**

OMGitsme says:

_But you're boring_

OMGitsme says:

_you whine and complain_

OMGitsme says:

_It's not fun_

Confed_Soldier says:

do you have any idea how gay that last message was little brother?

OMGitsme says:

_hahaha, yeah_

Pillowbiter says:

**Save me...**

Pillowbiter says:

**Before they---**

Pillowbiter says:

**signed off**

OMGitsme says:

_Hmmm... Jazzy, what about this one?_

Confed_Soldier says:

shouldn't we go make sure he's.... O.O

Confed_Soldier says:

that's a clothing item?

Confed_Soldier says:

I thought it was a napkin

OMGitsme says:

_NO, silly_

OMGitsme says:

_If you wipe your mouth with that, I'll KILL you_

OMGitsme says:

_It was the last one in stock!_

OMGitsme says:

_They don't sell them anymore!_

Confed_Soldier says:

will it hurt.../

OMGitsme says:

_No, silly_

Pillowbiter says:

**signed on**

OMGitsme says:

_But we can always go rescue Edward, if you want pain_

Pillowbiter says:

**They're FINALLY gone...**

Confed_Soldier says:

you promise?

OMGitsme says:

_Because that wasn't pleasant_

OMGitsme says:

_Darn_

Pillowbiter says:

**I'm scarred for life.**

Confed_Soldier says:

You okay little bro?

OMGitsme says:

_for YOUR life, you mean?_

Pillowbiter says:

**No.**

Pillowbiter says:

**I'm not.**

Confed_Soldier says:

you don't have a life!

OMGitsme says:

_Exactly what I was getting at_

Pillowbiter says:

**It scared me so much my heart started beating again.**

Pillowbiter says:

**O_O**

OMGitsme says:

_?_

OMGitsme says:

_How does that make sense?_

Pillowbiter says:

**;_;**

Pillowbiter says:

**I don't know.**

Pillowbiter says:

**It was the opposite of a heart attack.**

Pillowbiter says:

**Or something. Carlisle isn't here, I don't know!!!!!!**

OMGitsme says:

_Okay...?\_

OMGitsme says:

_I think Eddie went a little nut-so, Jazzy._

Pillowbiter says:

**I'm gonna go cry in the corner.**

OMGitsme says:

_Good_

Confed_Soldier says:

Alice I really don't want top wear this

Confed_Soldier says:

*to

OMGitsme says:

_Fine, don'e_

OMGitsme says:

_*don't_

OMGitsme says:

_I'm bored now, anyway_

OMGitsme says:

_Let's do something else_

Confed_Soldier says:

O.o we may need a new bed first....

OMGitsme says:

_Like, let's play throw bananas at the wolf from the roof and see how banana-y we can make him_

Confed_Soldier says:

okay, let me change clothes

Pillowbiter says:

**That sounds fun.**

OMGitsme says:

_You don't get to play_

Pillowbiter says:

**Can I play, too?**

Pillowbiter says:

**Why?**

OMGitsme says:

_Cuz you're not fun_

Pillowbiter says:

**I'm plenty fun!**

OMGitsme says:

_Nope_

OMGitsme says:

_Only me and Jazzy_

Confed_Soldier says:

how many times a day you think Bella says that?

Pillowbiter says:

**But Alice!**

OMGitsme says:

_You need to go find your daughter and have a serious chat_

Pillowbiter says:

**Bella thinks I'm fun.**

Pillowbiter says:

**Why?**

Confed_Soldier says:

exactly my point

Pillowbiter says:

**Jasper, I'm going to come visit you.**

OMGitsme says:

_Cuz she and that wolf are getting really disgusting_

Confed_Soldier says:

ALICE HELP

OMGitsme says:

_worse than Rose and Emmett_

OMGitsme says:

_What now?_

Confed_Soldier says:

I killed Jasper. (A/N: Edward is on Jasper's computer, and vice versa.)

OMGitsme says:

_Well, I guess you get to die now, too_

Confed_Soldier says:

And took over his computer.

OMGitsme says:

_I saw_

Pillowbiter says:

**I'm going to kill him**

OMGitsme says:

_Okay_

OMGitsme says:

_You'll succeed, if you go now_

Confed_Soldier says:

My daughter is worse than Rosalie and Emmett? That IS pretty bad.

Confed_Soldier says:

O_O

Confed_Soldier says:

ALICE!

OMGitsme says:

_No_

OMGitsme says:

_You deserve it_

Confed_Soldier says:

OWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOW!

Confed_Soldier says:

:lkj

OMGitsme says:

_..._

OMGitsme says:

_I'm all alone_

OMGitsme says:

_Except for idiots_

Confed_Soldier says:

LOL HE LANDED ON HIS DAUGHTER (A/N: They're on their normal computers now.)

OMGitsme says:

_That sucks_

Pillowbiter says:

**OUCH.**

OMGitsme says:

_Is the wolf around_

OMGitsme says:

_*?_

Confed_Soldier says:

no, it ran off

OMGitsme says:

_darn_

Pillowbiter says:

**I can hear it outside.**

OMGitsme says:

_that would've been funny_

Confed_Soldier says:

back to the she-wolf I think

Pillowbiter says:

**More than likely.**

OMGitsme says:

_no, he's waiting for your daughter_

Confed_Soldier says:

don't tell Nessie

Pillowbiter says:

**I agree.**

OMGitsme says:

_They are going to do less than pleasant things in about five minutes_

OMGitsme says:

_You might wanna stop that_

Confed_Soldier says:

*cranks up radio*

Pillowbiter says:

**How about we beat them with sticks so they can't?**

Pillowbiter says:

**Where'd my headphones go?!**

OMGitsme says:

_Go ahead_

OMGitsme says:

_But the wolf will kill you_

Pillowbiter says:

**O_O The Wolf took them...**

OMGitsme says:

_This really isn't your day for fighting, is it_

OMGitsme says:

_?_

Pillowbiter says:

**Crap. Now I have to go buy a new pair.**

OMGitsme says:

_I'd suggest it_

OMGitsme says:

_but they'll be out if you go now_

Pillowbiter says:

**Damn.**

OMGitsme says:

_Today really sucks for you_

Pillowbiter says:

**I'm going to the store anyway.**

Pillowbiter says:

**We're out of Power Ade bottles.**

OMGitsme says:

_You'll get hit by a car halfway there_

OMGitsme says:

_You won't be able to go_

OMGitsme says:

_You'll have to go into hiding_

Confed_Soldier says:

too late, he's gone

OMGitsme says:

_Well, that sucks_

Pillowbiter says:

**Back.**

Confed_Soldier says:

Alice, you think Carlisle would let me get a cow?

Pillowbiter says:

**We're sitting in the dark now.**

OMGitsme says:

_How was that car?_

Pillowbiter says:

**Let's not get a cow.**

Pillowbiter says:

**Slow.**

OMGitsme says:

_We're going to_

Pillowbiter says:

**It missed me.**

OMGitsme says:

_In about a week_

Pillowbiter says:

**Damn.**

OMGitsme says:

_No it didn't, don't lie, I saw it_

Pillowbiter says:

***Shifty eyes***

Confed_Soldier says:

but somebody will probably eat it ;_;

OMGitsme says:

_No, they won't_

OMGitsme says:

_Or I'll eat them_

Pillowbiter says:

**Like Emmett.**

Confed_Soldier says:

^^ yay

OMGitsme says:

_Yes_

Confed_Soldier says:

. . Alice where'd you go?

Confed_Soldier says:

I was going to hug you but you left

OMGitsme says:

_I had to go hit Edward._

Pillowbiter says:

**HAHA.**

Pillowbiter says:

**OW.**

Confed_Soldier says:

oh

Confed_Soldier says:

that's okay then ^^

Pillowbiter says:

**WHAT THE FUDGE, ALICE?!**

OMGitsme says:

_I was bored_

OMGitsme says:

_and it was fun_

OMGitsme says:

_Get over it_

Confed_Soldier says:

I'm going to go find a cow

OMGitsme says:

_Okay_

OMGitsme says:

_but you can't buy it yet, you have to talk Carlisle into it, first_

OMGitsme says:

_Otherwise, he'll say no_

Confed_Soldier says:

oh yeah. Where's he gonna be in about ten minutes?

Pillowbiter says:

**If Jasper gets a cow, I want an armadillo!**

OMGitsme says:

_He'll be at the hospital_

OMGitsme says:

_Bella just cut her arm off_

OMGitsme says:

_She'll be needing him_

OMGitsme says:

_And no, no armadillo_

OMGitsme says:

_Emmett eats it, otherwise_

Pillowbiter says:

**O_O**

Pillowbiter says:

**Snake?**

OMGitsme says:

_Sorry, sucks to be you_

Confed_Soldier says:

nope, elephant

OMGitsme says:

_No._

OMGitsme says:

_It'll strangle the wolf_

Pillowbiter says:

**Elephant?**

Pillowbiter says:

**Oh, sure.**

Confed_Soldier says:

No, I mean Bella's arm got bit off by an elephant O.o

OMGitsme says:

_Yeah_

Confed_Soldier says:

kind of scary actually

OMGitsme says:

_I don't exactly understand how that worked_

OMGitsme says:

_but that's what it was_

OMGitsme says:

_Wait, she's gonna explain it to Carlisle, let me listen_

Pillowbiter says:

**Elephants are normally nice, though.**

Confed_Soldier says:

you eated one I'm assuming?

OMGitsme says:

_oh, freaking wow, Bella_

Pillowbiter says:

**Explain?**

OMGitsme says:

_OM-freaking-Z_

OMGitsme says:

_No, you'll have to ask her_

Confed_Soldier says:

I left before I heard it, what happened?

OMGitsme says:

_It's hilarious, though_

Pillowbiter says:

**...**

OMGitsme says:

_She'll be home soon_

OMGitsme says:

_but she'll have no use of her arm for a while_

Pillowbiter says:

**Why did my wife get her arm bitten off?!**

Pillowbiter says:

**EXPLAIN!**

OMGitsme says:

_Because she's an idiot_

OMGitsme says:

_I suppose..._

OMGitsme says:

_ask her when she gets here_

Pillowbiter says:

**Fine.**

Confed_Soldier says:

Alice I tried to go home and I ended up in Vegas should I be worried?

Pillowbiter says:

**Yes.**

OMGitsme says:

_Yes_

OMGitsme says:

_You'll be there for a week_

OMGitsme says:

_if you touch any show girls, You're head will be mine on a silver platter_

Confed_Soldier says:

Okay no touchie O.o

Confed_Soldier says:

I'll go chill at Excalibur or something..

OMGitsme says:

_So, how did you end up there, again?_

OMGitsme says:

_Oh, and Edward, you're wife is pulling in_

Pillowbiter says:

**Yes, do explain.**

Pillowbiter says:

**I'm going to go talk to her.**

Confed_Soldier says:

I was running back, got distracted by a butterfly and then followed a shiny car and now I'm here

Pillowbiter says:

**A.D.D.**

OMGitsme says:

_Oh_

OMGitsme says:

_That explains it, then_

Confed_Soldier says:

Oh wait, should probably mentioned that I took Jazzy's phone

Confed_Soldier says:

this is Emmett

OMGitsme says:

_?!?!?!?!?!_

Pillowbiter says:

**O_O**

Pillowbiter says:

**WHAT?!**

OMGitsme says:

_WHERE IS MY FREAKING HUSBAND?!?!?!?!_

OMGitsme says:

_where is my freaking husband?_

Confed_Soldier says:

um...I dunno.....this was sitting on the counter so I took i

Confed_Soldier says:

t

OMGitsme says:

_..._

OMGitsme says:

_I'll kill you_

OMGitsme says:

_FIND MY FREAKING HUSBAND AND GIVE HIM HIS PHONE!!!!!_

Confed_Soldier says:

I WAS TOLD NOT TO LEAVE VEGAS

Pillowbiter says:

**Why?**

OMGitsme says:

_WELL, LEAVE AND FIND MY FREAKING HUSBAND! HE'S SOMEWHERE THERE, TOO!!!_

Pillowbiter says:

**?**

OMGitsme says:

_I NEED TO SPEAK TO THAT IDIOT!_

Confed_Soldier says:

but it's scary out here...there's guys in trenchcoats stalking me...

OMGitsme says:

_that sucks, go find him_

OMGitsme says:

_OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!_

Confed_Soldier says:

;_;

OMGitsme says:

_DON'T GIVE ME THAT FACE, GO FIND HIM!_

Confed_Soldier says:

*walks out of hotel*

OMGitsme says:

_Good_

Pillowbiter says:

**Good boy!**

Pillowbiter says:

**You get a cookie.**

OMGitsme says:

_No, he doesn't_

Confed_Soldier says:

*goes back* forgotted to pay

OMGitsme says:

_Not until he finds my husband_

OMGitsme says:

_GET BACK OUT THERE, NOW!!!!!_

Confed_Soldier says:

I'm goin!

OMGitsme says:

_You better be_

Pillowbiter says:

**I got a kitty.**

OMGitsme says:

_That's freakin great_

Pillowbiter says:

**Isn't it?**

OMGitsme says:

_Do you have my husband?_

OMGitsme says:

_No? THEN BE QUIET!!!_

OMGitsme says:

_I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FREAKING KITTY!!!!!_

OMGitsme says:

_Unless I can eat it...?_

Pillowbiter says:

**Sure.**

OMGitsme says:

_Okay, then bring it here_

OMGitsme says:

_Im_

OMGitsme says:

_*I'm hungry_

Confed_Soldier says:

Freakin A I had to follow Emmett around in a trenchcoat for about an hour before I could finally get my phone back

Pillowbiter says:

**Fine. I'm coming.**

Confed_Soldier says:

do you know how HOT a trenchcoat is in Vegas?

OMGitsme says:

_THANK YOU!_

OMGitsme says:

_good kitty_

OMGitsme says:

_yummy_

Pillowbiter says:

**Is it still growling?**

OMGitsme says:

_No, it's gone_

OMGitsme says:

_I got tired of eating it_

Pillowbiter says:

**Oh.**

OMGitsme says:

_It's missing a leg_

Pillowbiter says:

**Nice.**

Pillowbiter says:

**Can I finish it?**

OMGitsme says:

_And bleeding all over your carpet_

Pillowbiter says:

**-.-**

OMGitsme says:

_So I don't care_

OMGitsme says:

_It's almost dead, don't worry_

OMGitsme says:

_then you'll just have dead animal instead of bleeding dying animal_

OMGitsme says:

_Much better, huh?_

Confed_Soldier says:

okay, I'm back in Washington now. Did you need something Alice?

OMGitsme says:

_No_

Pillowbiter says:

**Sure.**

OMGitsme says:

_It just bugged me that Emmett had your phone_

Pillowbiter says:

**You should go influence the president.**

OMGitsme says:

_No_

OMGitsme says:

_That would be illegal, if they knew it existed_

Pillowbiter says:

**But they don't, so we're fine.**

OMGitsme says:

_NO!_

Pillowbiter says:

**WHY?!**

OMGitsme says:

_BAD EDWARD!_

OMGitsme says:

_SIT!_

Pillowbiter says:

**NO!**

Confed_Soldier says:

wait, I'm an it now?

OMGitsme says:

_No_

Pillowbiter says:

**I'm already sitting!**

OMGitsme says:

_You better be_

OMGitsme says:

_no treat for you_

Pillowbiter says:

**SCREW YOU!**

OMGitsme says:

_I'd rather you didn't_

OMGitsme says:

_that's Jazzy's job_

Pillowbiter says:

**-.-**

OMGitsme says:

Confed_Soldier says:

^^ wait, what O.O

OMGitsme says:

_..._

Pillowbiter says:

**...**

OMGitsme says:

_Jazzy, you're so slow sometimes_

Confed_Soldier says:

Oh right, I was going to find a new bed *goes to furniture store*

OMGitsme says:

_Yesh_

OMGitsme says:

_Find a pretty one_

OMGitsme says:

_with polka dots_

OMGitsme says:

_and neon_

OMGitsme says:

_and sparkles_

Pillowbiter says:

**And put it somewhere MILES away from here.**

OMGitsme says:

_No, we're setting it up in your room_

OMGitsme says:

Confed_Soldier says:

-_- Fine, I'll go find a bedspread too (God knows we need more). What kind of BED?

Pillowbiter says:

**O_O MY ROOM?!**

OMGitsme says:

_The pretty one with neon and polka dots and sparkles!_

OMGitsme says:

_Yes, you're room now belongs to me_

Confed_Soldier says:

They don't make a bed like that!

OMGitsme says:

_*your_

Confed_Soldier says:

that's a bed SPREAD

OMGitsme says:

_Yes they do, you'll find it soon_

OMGitsme says:

_And it'll last longer than the last one, too_

Confed_Soldier says:

I'm tellin ya they don't OH MY GOODNESS

Pillowbiter says:

**But...**

OMGitsme says:

_See?_

Pillowbiter says:

**I like my room.**

OMGitsme says:

_Too bad_

OMGitsme says:

_that sucks_

Confed_Soldier says:

How did they even...no, I dunno

OMGitsme says:

_SUCKS!!!!_

Pillowbiter says:

**I'm staying in my room.**

OMGitsme says:

_Heh, that's your problem_

Confed_Soldier says:

I'm just gonna follow my orders and buy it....

OMGitsme says:

_I won't be responsible when you're scarred for life_

Confed_Soldier says:

Are we getting new sheets or not?

Pillowbiter says:

**...**

OMGitsme says:

_Yes, they're right down the aisle_

OMGitsme says:

_they match the bed_

Confed_Soldier says:

.....that's blinding......

OMGitsme says:

_And they have matching paint color and carpet, so we have to buy that, too_

Confed_Soldier says:

Good thing I don't need to sleep

OMGitsme says:

_Yes!_

Confed_Soldier says:

I don't want to go to Lowe's though....

OMGitsme says:

_You don't, it's in the store_

OMGitsme says:

_A lady will help you find it_

Pillowbiter says:

**Lowe's is a stupid store.**

OMGitsme says:

_In a few seconds..._

OMGitsme says:

_See?_

Pillowbiter says:

**I lost Bella in there once.**

OMGitsme says:

_That sucks_

OMGitsme says:

_SUCKS!!!!!_

Confed_Soldier says:

I don't wanna know, Edward

Confed_Soldier says:

Anything ELSE we need?

OMGitsme says:

_No, that's all_

Pillowbiter says:

**Q-tips.**

OMGitsme says:

_Unless you wanna buy some bananas for throwing_

OMGitsme says:

_No Q-tips_

Pillowbiter says:

**Emmett and I ran out. **

OMGitsme says:

_You won't need them_

Pillowbiter says:

**This is Rosalie now, I made Edward go clean up our bedroom. There were feathers everywhere.**

OMGitsme says:

_Yeah, she'll just make it worse_

OMGitsme says:

_She's out to get you, Eddie_

Confed_Soldier says:

Signed off

Pillowbiter says:

**My stupid little brother with the horrible taste in women is cleaning the bathroom.**

OMGitsme says:

_Do I have to kill you?_

Pillowbiter says:

**Why would you kill ME?**

OMGitsme says:

_Cuz I can_

OMGitsme says:

_And cuz I'm bored_

Pillowbiter says:

**But I'm your favorite sister.**

OMGitsme says:

_Pfft, yeah right, Rose_

Pillowbiter says:

**Fine.**

Pillowbiter says:

**I'll go find Emmett and HE'LL tell me I'm his favorite.**

OMGitsme says:

_No, he'll tell you something disgusting that I'm not even going to repeat_

OMGitsme says:

_Well, I guess it wouldn't be repeating, but you get the idea_

Pillowbiter says:

**Want another cat? Edward found one.**

OMGitsme says:

_Not really_

OMGitsme says:

_I'm full_

OMGitsme says:

_JAZZY HATH RETURNETH WITH NEW BED!!!!!_

OMGitsme says:

_SEE YA LATER!_

OMGitsme says:

_It's so pretty..._

OMGitsme says:

_signed off_

Pillowbiter says:

**Uh... Bye?**


End file.
